words from a broken soul

Mask

I've worn a mask since fifth grade
When my grandfather died
The world became masked in darkness
Even more than it already was after my uncle died

Sometimes I forget that the mask is on
I may look dead but that my neutral face
The mask is to hide the pain I went through
But the mask also hides my emotions

Over the years the mask has been crumbling
Quickly fix it So they don't see me vulnerable
I've taken the mask off once
It wasn't for long

Some stuff came up and I put it back on
The thought of being vulnerable became too much
Wore the mask to hide the pain the emotions
Ones volatile the other is an infected wound festering

All the while the mask made me feel normal
Not enough to feel like I belonged
But enough to get through school
And that's all that mattered to me

Now I can't tell if I'm still wearing the mask
I've worn it for so long that it became second nature
Can't tell if that's good or bad
Who's to say surely not me

But that's the life of a ghost that is me
Always wearing a mask
Never letting my friends see the pain I'm in
But sometimes they witness what I hide