words from a broken soul

Joy

Joy it's a natural emotion
Yet like every emotion I feel it's killed
Because all emotions overwhelm me
Numb and cold a distant person is
What I like to be because the only
One who can stab me in the back is me
Joy it's a natural emotion

Truthfully I've forgotten what joy feels like
Been so cold I forget what emotions feel like
Yet I still rather be cold emotions lead to
Some wishful thinking and actions yet
When your a cold person that doesn't
Happen as much because reason is your weapon
Joy it's a natural emotion

Yet every time I feel emotions they remind
Me of the past that haunts me in the shadows
Of my own making I wear a mask to hide
The depression hide the suicidal ideation
All so no one will worry about me because
Who'll care if a ghost who's more akin to
A corpse truly becomes dead in stead of
Mingling with the living rather be dead
Maybe then I'll be able to forget my past
Joy it's a natural emotion

The past is best forgotten no then why
Does the past haunt me and my shadows
Why can't I escape from the grip it has on me
What can I do besides be the coward I am
And keep running from the horrors of the past
Something that I wish would just become
Nothing but smoke and ash it never will
Just keeping running till my legs cave
Rather not feel the heartache from the past
I'll be a coward because I can't let go of
The love I feel for them it's my personal demon
Joy it's a natural emotion

So much heartache and pain all from
One person who rather call me a coward
Then see it from my perspective damn
Every time I see them lead and osmium
It starts filling my stomach because
No matter what I do those pesky feelings
They just won't go away I've tried killing
Them just for them to come back so
Yeah I'll be a coward to them but on
My own terms because I just hate heartache
Joy it's a natural emotion

Hell is all I've known growing up it altered
Me and yet I'd walk through it's chaotic pits
Another time if it meant I'd never see them again
Because I just can't be their friend without
Leading myself on knowing nothing will come of it
These damn emotions can't get rid of them
One was in the depths of hell the other was
Blissfully unaware of the hell he grew up in
Joy it's a natural emotion

The only joy I feel is when I'm escaping to
Another world through video games simply
For the reason I can be anyone I want to be
This life we live in if you not valuable or productive
Your as good as dead because face value
It means everything in this world with so
High of expectations of children or beauty
Thing is you don't need to fit into predetermined boxes
Fit in the boxes that best suite you not
Because someone told you to but because
You told yourself that you belong in those boxes
Joy it's a natural emotion