words from a broken soul

Darkness

The darkness shrouds
It's all around me
It's in my brain
Keeping me from remembering
Most things from my past

Is that good or bad
I don't know to be honest
It's a bit of both in my book
Darkness it's all I've know

Yet I'm unbothered by living in it
The light there's darkness they coexist
Yet all I've known is the darkness of the world
Horrors of a past forgotten
But remembered as well

The Ashen haze of darkness shrouds
But things can break through
Stuff I truly want to forget
But can't because what would I be
Without them
Sane, not traumatized, trusting, naive
I'm none of those I'm
Insane, traumatized, untrusting, "mature"

Always seems like I'm perfectly fine on
The outside truth is I'm broken
The mask it fooled who needed to be
The rest just looked at me in worry
Wondering when my jokes wouldn't be jokes

The thing is even I don't know
Still got the thoughts of Ending it
Snuff out my life like a flame that never lit the pit
Can never bring myself to do it but
The thoughts are still there nonetheless

The haze makes me wonder how'd
I survived what else did I go through
I know I'll never have the answers
That I seek they're constantly eluding me
But why did I have to be a byproduct of
The wicked nature of sick people

The past I keep running from
Hoping for it to never catch up to me
Forcing myself to be sane when I'm not
Masking the pain because it's a weakness
Hiding my true self from most so they're comfortable

But when will they be comfortable with myself
Is that a possibility or do I have to mask
For the rest of this terrible game of life
Will they ever accept us or are we to much
Whose to say really not me that's for sure