words from a broken soul

View

The world feels dead because of my view
Was made the misfit of misery a copy
Of someone left cold and numb from a hell
Yet my looks it's funny we all Wear masks
For some it a mask of happiness me though
It was one of death so I could be alone
Misery was all I knew growing so much hatred
Left me question what a normal family is
Fed so many lies trust to much now trust
Is gone from me always waiting for the stab
Of betrayal from be replaced by others
The world feels dead because of my looks

Antisocial just fine being an observer no one to
Talk to yet envious of those who were
Popular or had a lot of friends Yet to broken
To want a lot of friends to paranoid to trust
Why should I when my childhood was spent
Not trusting those who were family
Got resentment for the blood in my body
Half is dead to me yet it still feels like a curse
Fearing I'll be The nightmare I called a
Guardian for nine years of my life as I drown
From the flashbacks of the past brought
By that abysmal void wishing my psyche
Wasn't damaged that I had courage not
The false bravado I've had since birth
The world feels dead because of my view

Just a quiet person bouncing from groups
Trying to fit in as a stray outcast but giving
In letting myself fall from the cliff drown in
The sea and rain of thoughts that were drilled
Into my mind by who though the voice
Who does it belong to I doubt I'll ever know
I'm just lost creating art as a way to not
Be numb and cold actually feel emotions
But these words they give a fleeting feeling
I'm just a ghost that's Puppeting a corpse
Not the original joyful lad just a depressed
Copy trying to fight past the scars burned
Into my body soul and mind battling to find
Beauty in a world when I just see it negatively
Bit of a cynical person but the pain made
Me that way the well of emotions kill them
So I can be numb and cold I was taught
That emotions are a weakness yet I know
There's a strength to them as well yet I lack
The ability to find the strength in them I
Live like a ghost gone in the autumn wind
That's how I survived the hell I was in
The world feels dead because of my view

Just someone who knows to much pain
Just a person who was beat down now
I'm just a person who doesn't try to care
Trying to distract myself from the Pain in
My eyes the mask only hides so much yet
The eyes they hold the horrors of my past
That haunts me from my shadows and my
Own Blood yet I fight to be normal despite
Being abnormal to the the world for my
Sanity is questionable is a delicate balance
Sane in front of stranger yet friend know
How insane I am no meds to help just
The vibe of music to desperately try and
Soothe my ashen soul from memories I
Want to burn turn to smoke and ash yet
The fire is slowly becoming embers keep
The fire going despite not knowing my
Passion these words they feel hollow
But in a way I can't describe unable
To comprehend my own mind or words
The world feels dead because of my view

Wishing I could make people proud of me
Yet unknowing on how to when I was met
With hatred for most my life studied good
In history barely had to put in effort for
Good grades in that subject I was good
At science another subject I was good
Got a few awards for both subjects yet
I left me hollow because those who I
Wanted to make proud the father figures
They died before the could see the effort
Started not caring about school much
Go there get through the day and repeat
Trying not to care about being social just
Focus on the day and go home didn't fit
In never have with most I just sit and watch
Observe those around me with envy and longing
For they had everything I lacked but accepted
I'll just be the one who is know the least
The world feels dead because of my view