words from a broken soul

Well

The well in me the lad fell down it
Became where I bury emotions
Is that why I can't find the joyful
Part of myself is buried under the emotion
That I repress so I don't have to face them
Cold and numb unable to smile wear a mask
On my face so no worries about the ghost
I've become with demons of the past that
Haunt me with the scars and pain which
Is hiding in the shadows of myself wonder
If I'll ever find that joyful kid in my head
The well in me the lad fell down it

Can I ever love myself for who I am
Just a ghost more akin to a corpse
That's walking among the living unsure
Of what to do in order to live for himself
Something he's never down curious of
What he could learn from the lad who
He failed in order to survive hell but
It came with a cost to survive hell left
Us with an altered and broken sanity
The times I've thought of death to many
Yet the depression and void say to little
The thoughts of suicide I'm desensitized
To them been thinking of since I was in
Fifth grade when the last person who ment
The world to become smoke and ash
The well in me the lad fell down it

The will to live doesn't exist not for myself
I'm only alive for the friends I've made
Somehow I don't know how I made most
Of those I call friends especially with the
Lack of trust that I hold towards people
Lies I was fed growing up it gave me trust issues
Yet I still somehow made friends with this
Cold and dead ghost that I am hiding behind
A mask uncertain what my eyes are telling
Others when they look into them because
I can't stand to look into my own eyes not
When I failed myself too many times I've
Lost track of how many times I've tried to
Look into my own eyes just to be reminded
Of the pain and scars hiding in my shadow
The well in me the lad fell down it

Escaped hell through a friend and fictional world's
Video games they were the only solace I had
And the friend who introduced me to them
Always was just two kids fucking around to
Get away from the hell around us yet I became
Numb to the hell around me so well
That I told a student at school my "dad"
Had raped my oldest sister so casually
Pretty sure I got a beating for saying that
Yet if I did I can't recall it one of the few
Perks of having a disorder that alters your
Memories makes you forget horrors that
You couldn't handle at such a young age
The well in me the lad fell down it

Do I have a soul or was it also lost with
My sanity or is just buried with in ash
Of memories that had to be forgotten
Just so I could survive the hell around me
Always wondering what it like to be normal
Yet normal I subjective we're all a little
Abnormal just in our own ways because
We've all lived different lives from others
Yet the world moves on with the suffering
Of the people who are slowly dying with it
But we're not alone it may seem like you are
But there's always someone who's with you
Through the thick and the thin cherish them
The well in me the lad fell down it