words from a broken soul

Half dead blood

Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me
Got a strong hatred with the blood in me
Comes from being in hell caused by family
The only people I cared about met deaths
Embrace long ago they were my world but
I became dead after their deaths half my
Family they became dead to me like half
The blood in me is disowned by a pathetic
Man who was never a father to his kids
What a joke punchline is I disowned you
And your side of the family after those who
Were my father figures died because you're
No dad of mine I hope I don't see or it's not
Gonna be pretty got to much rage in me for
What a sick fuck you are for what you did
Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me

Family what is family it's alien to me but
Family shouldn't abuse each other but that
Was all I knew growing hatred and pain got
So used to the hell I became numb to it yet
That hell drove the lad to suicide left me in
His place just a copy confused on what is
Life am I truly living if I see myself as a ghost
Who's controlling a corpse that has a pulse
The void in the abyss whispering sickening
That I should just end it give up accept the
Things that were drilled into my fractured
Brain how I'm better of dead yet the voices
In my broken mind tell me otherwise that
The abysmal void is just lying because it's
Just all the negative lies that I trust as truths
Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me

My face hides so much pain wear a mask
For as long as me you forget the battles
In silence with your depression and anxiety
Or it could just be these are things we've
Known since the lad was around before me
But my eyes they say so much it makes me
Uncomfortable to look in a mirror the hell
We've survived I can still see it in my eyes
What value do I have when I'm fearing if
The void is gonna come a knocking force
Me to have a flashback of memories I wish
We're just smoke and ash the scars of my
Past that haunts me from my shadows
Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me

Forces me to spiral because family made
Me hate everything about myself but who
Is the voice the abysmal void is using to make
Me feel so weak the darkness is all around
I'm fighting to find the light to make a fire
So I don't feel like I'm drowning in thoughts
That aren't mine but I've accepted them as if
They were the only truths I've know with no
Faith that these truths are just mere lies who
Fed me these fucking lies that loom in the
Back of my mind like the other demons
That haunt me what is the truth what are lies
Why can't I read into the lines of my mind
Are there worst things buried in my head
Yet this blood coursing through me I don't
Want another to carry it yet they'd not know
What horrors that were done before they existed
Terrifying thoughts of me becoming just like
The nightmare I called guardian growing up
Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me

I'll be better but the wounds will always be
There underneath the surface festering will
It give the void more ways to torture me or
Will I be what I needed growing up despite
The sickening voice in that abysmal void
Only time will truly tell yet that scares me
Because it's unknown what I'll be like with
My own family if anyone can love me despite
How badly of damaged goods I pretend not to be
Will I be loved despite the numbing balancing
Act I put up of being sane for strangers but
Insane who I truly am around those I can trust
Wandering in life questioning if I'm even living
Hating half my blood for the pain family
Caused one another if you can call it family
Without blood we die yet half of mine is dead to me