words from a broken soul

Hold or held

You can hold things but held is different
I wasn't held much nor did I feel loved
But the sweet dog I grew to love I held
So gently so carefully to show she had
So she know some one loved her even
When all I know was lies pain and misery
Became a misfit to it all little trust fearful
Of those who wear a mask of caring for
Nightmares was my childhood became
Numb in hell all I can do is survive yet I'll
Forever hold the memories of that poor
Dog for she was my first escape from
It all but I couldn't save her left her never
To be forgotten hopeful she isn't in pain
You can hold things but held is different

It eats at me knowing how I was helpless
Unable to save my life line never being able
To say goodbye to the poor soul it a scar
From my past that hurts more than any
Others for she was the sweetest girl
Yet all I have are my memories of yet
Those will fade with time no matter how
Hard I battle to keep them my memory
Is shoddy at best unreliable at most yet
My mind within the mind know what I
Endured the scars to it are forever present
Fires of different sizes different purposes
All burn in my mind to balance the toll
That hell left me altered and broken
More akin to shattered glass with a ashen
Soul left wondering what now lacking in
A dream writing words to vent emotions
You can hold things but held is different

The lad chose the well a form of suicide
Left a copy in his place determined to
Suffer for along as possible yet wills
Break from to much pain and misery
Voice filled the copies head what to do
Who will believe a child thought to be
Naive and shy someone who just observed
Planned to try to ignore voices for he knew
He was abnormal Longing to be held and feel
Loved only to meet hollows hold and words
Yet one voice stuck out spoke of hatred for
Him because of how he was yet he'd repress
The voice whispers of sickly tone and the others
For he knew not how to explain them only
Talked to a sweet old poor soul of a dog
Held it like it was the most delicate thing
Held her to feel sane when his sanity was
Waning and breaking because she was
What held him together yet he had to leave
Her behind wishing he could save her like
She did him be he couldn't now he hopes
She's not suffering and whoever is taking
Care of the sweet old soul like he did