words from a broken soul

The lad

He is the original was driven to suicide
He threw himself down the well with in me
But what actually was the cause of  it
I took over shortly after we came back from
The silence that felt like a year cause was rupture eardrums
Told everyone to hide I'll suffer the horrors
Yet why do I not know which one of us they
Met was it the lad was it me I don't know
Will I ever know the answer that eludes me
He is the original was driven to suicide

Was his suicide after they broke our heart
It's the only real reason I can think of so far
He was a social person to a degree yet not
By much chose to have one friend after he
Lost contact with the other closest friend
That we had growing up yet this one friend did
They drove the lad to throw himself in the well
Was the heartbreak just to much for him
Did death seem that sweet to him leaving
Me in his place someone who can't tell who
He can trust and who'll drive a knife in me
He is the original driven to suicide

Yet the one who broke our heart wants to
Be friends again I can't not after what they
Did tearing apart you friends psyche that
Was held together by the motto of a lad
Trying to run from his demons the scars
Of his past pain and trauma to be sane
The motto the lad followed was don't acknowledge it and it's not a problem
After his suicide I adopted that motto
Kept me sane enough to get through school
Yet deep done the lad and I knew how flawed
The motto truly was but pretending to be
Sane was more important run from the
Past the lurks in our shadows taunting us
He is the original driven to suicide

The greatest trick we did pretend to be sane
Deep down I knew the lad knew too we weren't normal
Insane really memories of the past more
Just smoke and ash then memories truly
Thing is I knew we'd never be normal we
Wore a mask to become sane and hide the
Hell that we battle with leaving us broken and altered
He is the original driven to suicide

Just some kid desensitized to the hell around them
Had to be if we wanted to survive it but that
Came with the steep cost of insanity plus
The ever so fucking lovely flashbacks we
Can't truly escape from the void It's a knocking
And the flashbacks start a flowing pulling
Us into the lane that we wished wasn't
There so we wouldn't have to feel so alone
Yet the darkness I surround myself in the
Shadows they can't be cast the past can't
Lurk if there's no light to cast the shadows
The love they made the lad feel was the only
Time he could ignore the void whispering
In that sickly voice of how worthless we are
Yet they cast the lad out like he was broken
He is the original driven to suicide

Then I took his place or did he take mine
Before he chose suicide which was it
This Is another answer that eludes me the fog
In my brain the others are there but it's hard
To hear them when I spiral can only ride the
Wave out till the end pick up my pieces
Break them to make them fit again so
My flashback of the void isn't noticeable
But it'll always be noticeable got a thousand yard stare
All I can hear is the sickly voice of the void
Trying to fight it knowing it's a lost battle from the start
Hope someone can bring me back to sanity
Whatever that may be never knew sanity
He is the original driven to suicide

Always knew the voices In me made me abnormal
Yet the voices of the broken parts we became
They were the only company I had as I cried myself to sleep
Questioning when the hell I suffered will end
They were the only ones who seemed to
Understand that I was willing to sacrifice
Myself to the horrors we endured so they
Wouldn't know how bad of Nightmares that
People can truly be yet even I could only
Endure so much before the others had to
Experience the pain and suffer with me
He is the original driven to suicide

I failed the lad I failed the others I hide
Behind my smart mouth because to look
In my eyes all I see is me trying to save them
Yet I didn't care about myself I was nothing
They were something I was the failed one
Trying to save us just to learn I couldn't
I'm cold and numb because it was how I
Learned to endure the pain the suffering
The emotions kill them they're weaknesses
Couldn't be the joyful lad no matter how I
Tried joy was beaten out of me along with
The rest of the emotions just to survive
Means to the end right I don't know never
Truly believed that lie I'd tell myself for the
Reason I was just a kid hellbent to survive
I'm gonna out live you sick twisted fucks
He is the original driven to suicide

I'll never truly get the last laugh but when
You both die I'll gleefully piss on your graves
The final fucking send off you guys deserve
You may have broken our mind but we all
Die in the end your guy's time is ticking down
One faster than the others is but you'll die
We'll die too no one can escape the reaper
And well if you find a way to it's never good
In the end everyone dies but I hope you
Get sent to niflheim you both belong to
Feel eternal coldness for what you did
To children fucked them up real good but
I'm gonna try and live this life that I never
Planned to live because I'll smile seeing
You take that final dying breath and slip
Away into the embrace of the reaper
Because some of my demons are dead
He is the original driven to suicide