words from a broken soul

Depression

There's always a depressed person
The thing is it's one of the most common
Mental illnesses besides anxiety but
What happens when the person just can't
Handle it anymore usually death or they
Won a trip to a behavioral or psyche ward
Yet it's a silent killer because everyone they
Wear a mask of fake happiness so no one
Will worry if the suicide jokes they make
Are just that jokes or are they serious
I speaking from experience in that regard
There's always a depressed person

Thing is if you wear the mask for long enough
It even fools you it sure fooled me with
How long I've wore a mask It's the death
That I think about will it free me from the
Demons of my past that haunt and lurk
In the shadows I've always lived in because
I'm not myself haven't been since I was young
Been Battling with depression and suicidal thoughts
Since I was in fifth grade I want to say
There's always a depressed person

Never really knew what was wrong with me
Yet I did at the same time just thought I
Would be fine how wrong was I looking
Back at the past that lives in my shadows
I was a dumb kid who didn't know what
Was normal for someone my age to do
Went through therapy but not for the
Depression was because a bitch wanted
To know what my home life with my mom
Was like don't even recall what I said in
Those sessions I was young but I knew
It was sketchy at best mom never knew about it
There's always a depressed person

My only escape from my past was the games
That I would play escape into another world
Running from the past because I wasn't
Ready to face those horrors didn't find
My voice till after I graduated from school
Still looking for the bright kid who was broken
Wondering if he truly died and I took his place
Or if he's somewhere inside my head but
Hiding because of the hell that altered us
There's always a depressed person

I don't have much hope for that kid to be
Alive not after what we went through so
I took his place a cold person who can't
Stop stabbing himself in the back with
A lack of trust to everyone around him
But that comes naturally when you're fed
Lies and your trust gets broken at a young age
Always wondering if people just put up
With me because they care or out of pity
Can never actually tell always over thinking
Unable to shut off my brain needing background
Noise to fill the silence or else the void
Will remind of the past I'm still running from
There's always a depressed person