words from a broken soul

Memories

Memories are all you'll have in the end
Yet the memories I do have
I wish were smoke and ash
The reasons memories can haunt
You just as much as your past the
Reason for that is because they're
Two sides of the same coin can't
Escape from them they're both
My personal demons lurking in
My shadows waiting for the void
To make the first move in breaking Me
Memories are all you'll have in the end

But me I don't have much memory
Thanks to the disorder I have they
Get altered or locked away maybe
They become nothing but smoke and ash
But sometimes they slip through the ashen
Fog that has a death grip on my brain
Courtesy of the void to break me
Once again remind me I'm nothing
More than a ghost whose demons
Haunt them from the shadows yet
There's more to me than meets the eyes
Look behind the mask on my face will
You see the turmoil that's going on
Just to remember the smallest things
Memories are all you'll have in the end

Yeah there's some memories that I cherish
But there's more that are horrors from my
Past that's best forgotten yet I can't
Seem to forget about the past I lived through
Got a foot stuck in it because I was
Experiencing things I rarely did as a lad
Joy and love those were the main ones
Now my other foot is dragging itself
Into the present it gets slower every day
What will happen when it gives up and just stops
Who's to say surely not me I've been alone
Basically most my childhood learned to
Become a cold person because emotions
They've lead me to heartache to many times
Memories are all you'll have in the end

The pain and hell I went through is best
Forgotten yet no matter how hard I try
They both continue to haunt me from
The shadows of my past self the void
Will always remind me what I truly am
A worthless mistake that's better of dead
Maybe the void explains why I've always
Been suicidal yet I'm still kicking unable
To move on from the memories of my past
They'll always haunt me just like the void
Wear a mask to hide the depression it'll
Eventually fool you to I know it did me
Memories are all you'll have in the end

Yet I'm pushing on not for myself no
But for those around me my death would
Cause too many people untold pain yet
Death is all I've been think about ever since
That joyful kid fell down the well and I took
His place a cold a numb motherfucker can
I find the original version of myself or am I
Cursed to live out this life in his stead I'm
Just a ghost mingling with the living acting
To be a living being when all I can think
About is what comes after death It's all
Just speculation really what meet you
When you draw your fine breath but it's
All I can think about been that way for
A good while know but the mask hides it
Memories are all you'll have in the end