words from a broken soul

Haunt

Past wounds will haunt you
Anyone who has ptsd or c-ptsd
They'll confirm the thing is
If you suffered from abuse you'll
Never know what will trigger your trauma
I found out about the abuse I went through
Through a song from someone who
Doesn't know how much they helped me
The song was aptly titled trauma the artist rustage
Past wounds will haunt you

It may not been a one to one relation to it
But it was obvious to me that song jogged
A memory buried so deep in my brain
You don't just start shaking for no reason
On a hot fall day you don't have rapid breathing for no reason
Something was triggered in me
The instincts of survival yet I froze
As if I was in Antarctica
There one string of words that I've always
Remembered from the Ashen haze I have
To call for my memories the words never made sense
Not until that fateful day in autumn
The words were uttered out fear
They were "no we can't do that tonight cps is watching"
Past wounds will haunt you

Those fucking words made sense after that day
I said them hoping to escape from another
Lesson in how to "please a women"
Just repeating the reasoning for my abuse
Makes me want to cut my brain out
So I'm no longer haunted by those wounds
Of my past that I've always tried to run from
But no it's one of the few memories I have
Of I childhood I never fully got to experience
Past wounds will haunt you

The things we went through changed us
Altered us made us abnormal to everyone else
Put on a mask to hide my suffering
No one needs to worry about a worthless ghost
That's all I've been a ghost with so many
Scars that are waiting to be torn open again
For the old pains to be brought back
To the front of my brain to have the void
Remind me of the place I truly belong
6 feet under and forgotten about
Past wounds will haunt you

Gotta ignore the void force some light
Into the endless sea of darkness
Music is my light to fight back against it
Remind myself I'm better than what
Was drilled into my head in the past
I may be a ghost to most but to my friends
I'm their ghost who's used to battling alone
Never liked relying on others not one I
Had nobody but me myself and I
Well it worked well enough I suppose
Past wounds will haunt you

Remind myself It's okay to lean on others
But what I went through it makes them
Uncomfortable to talk about it with
That not even including how fucked
My brain truly is you all know bits and pieces
That's probably because how distant I am
But it's to protect myself from getting a new
Knife in the collection of being stabbed in my back
Past wounds will haunt you

The past of any survivor it's always lurking
Waiting for the perfect time to drag us
Down that damn lane we all wish to forget
Yet we can never forget it because of the
Impact it left on us usually worse then better
There's so many memories I wish
Would just become smoke and ash
But the firestarter deems them to be a
Valuable life lesson I can't argue with
A part of myself that I'm both
Aware of yet unaware of at the same time
Past wounds will haunt you

There's just a thick vicious fog alike ash
Where my memories should be
All around me is an ashen haze
Yet there's nothing I can do but thank
The firestarter for turning worse possible
Horrors I've never got the chance to know
About into nothing but mere smoke and ash
Past wound will haunt you