words from a broken soul

Rage

I have so much rage in me
I might as well be a destructive mage
I saw rage for nine years of my life
I have rage for myself
For the stupidity that is me

Rage for the sorry sack of shit I call father
Rage for what that sick fuck did to me and my sisters
Rage it wants out like a infernos back draft
Yet I gotta keep it in check
If you saw my unchecked rage and knew me

You'd probably think I was a different person
The rage I can feel it boiling
Festering like an infected wound
Not much to do about it

Just watch it watch the rage
Make sure it doesn't show
Wondering when will I blow
Terrified of my rage yet
Always keeping it in check as best as I can

I'm not good at hiding my rage with video games
But when it comes down to the rage I have for myself
You're better off looking for a needle in a hay field
If you know me and know what to look for
I'll brush you off with a sarcastic remark

Sarcasm it's how I hide my pain and emotions
Joking about ending my life like a flame that never lit the pit
Sometimes they weren't jokes I was serious
But my language is monotone and Sarcasm
I hoped most of you couldn't tell I was serious

I'm constantly wondering who could tell
That the joke was serious maybe a few not many
But I know that's a lie if you were even close to me
I know that you knew I was serious about it
The rage is boiling Festering

Only thing to do is keep it in check best I can
The thing is the rage is constant but I don't show it
I let people believe I'm some calm person
Which I am for the part until I'm enraged
Doesn't happen often but if someone tells

Me someone hurt them or just tries to use them
I'll kindly ask who they are and what they did
But depending on what's said to me
That Festering boiling rage will come out

No matter how close we are I'm protective of my friends
It may not appear that way but I am
I don't want them to suffer like I did