words from a broken soul

Caged mind

All my life I felt caged in my own mind
Hearing things no one else could yet
I found comfort in hell with these voices
The silence I experienced when my eardrums
Where ruptured The voices I heard made
The situation bearable but it sucked not
Talking to those around me because I
Wasn't taught how to sign because my
Deafness was only temporary buy it would
Have been a cool skill to know even if it
Wasn't something I permanently used
All my life I felt caged in my own mind

Grew up in a hell that I became numb to
I was a child yet the hell gave me voices
Different yet the same as me they made
Hell bearable but that's because my mind
Became fractured and broken like a mirror
But I endured the hell to survive yet it
Killed me in ways I didn't realize till I was
Older emotions gotta kill them being numb
Is a strength I needed to become numb to
Hell so I could thrive in it but really I was just surviving it
The void I'm constantly waiting to be forced
Back into the abyss of memories that scarred me
Wishing I had a true passion instead of me
Seeing myself as nothing but a ghost that's
More akin to a corpse because I was made
To hate everything about myself yet who's
Voice is telling me to hate myself in the abyss
All my life I felt caged in my own mind

I've never had good examples on what love
Is and what it's like to be truly loved all I got
Was pain and hatred the blood of family
It's half dead to me has been since those
Who meant the world to me were embraced
By death It's the cycle of things yet when it
Happened the second time I put on a mask
Made sure no one was worried about me
Because who cares about someone who
Lived the hell left it altered some how unaware yet aware
Of not being normal like others unable to
Get the help I needed because communication
Isn't a skill I fully have in my arsenal it's basic
I'm cold the fire in me is mostly just embers
I've survived hell but what do I do with this
Life that I've never planned to live at all
All my life I felt caged in my own mind

The abysmal void forces me to spiral
Memories of the past lurk in my shadow
Behind the mask I wear on my face behind
The eyes I can't stand to look at for it all
Visible to me in my eyes that are dull from
The hell that changed my mind hearing that
Sickening voice in the abyss telling me end
It truly become a corpse feel my life ebb away
Yet I push on through the darkness of the
Abyss desperately trying to find the light
So I can escape from the flashbacks that
Are caging me in my own mind but there
Are times when I'm too weak to find the light
Just ride the wave of reopened scars out
Then I go back to normal like it never happened
Wondering what Does it look like from the
Eyes of my friends do they know the rage
I feel within my mind that I try to cage up
So I don't snap at them and force them away
All my life I felt caged in my own mind