words from a broken soul

Stray outcast

I've always felt like a stray an outcast
The emotions I feel are shallow at best
I was taught emotions are a weakness
So I started killing them turning me numb
Cold even because I had to be numb to
The hell I grew up in so I could survive it
Yet that hell left me altered and broken
The mirror to my soul was shattered had
Scars branded on to me mind and body
Got voices in my head they're me yet not
Never knew what was normal growing up
Balance insanity and sanity behind a mask
I've always felt like a stray an outcast

Didn't have many friends unbothered by it
The voices kept me company in the silence
Helping them learn ways to escape from
The abyss of a void in me forcing us to
Remember the memories that haunt us
But the lad the original he fell down a well
I'm just a cheap copy who took their place
Someone had to if we were to survive hell
But surviving cost us our sanity fuck I can
Pass as sane been wearing a mask since
Fifth grade after those who meant the world to me
Became dead like I was most my life
Caged in my own mind by the battles
That I've faced alone till I couldn't keep
Pushing on alone didn't want to trouble others
I've always felt like a stray an outcast

Yet I wasn't really bothered by it grew up
With me basically being on my own only
Knew hatred and pain all from family yet
I'm not mentioned by my "dad" fucking felt
Great finding that out I disowned half my
Blood those I cared for they met deaths
Embrace long ago showed me what love
Was while they were walking this world
But also made me feel loved like I should
Be not loved because I was a toy for some
Sick fucks sexual pleasure but as a person
Sun bled the truth of my horror filled past
Yet I've still got more questions with few
Answers how'd did I get the scars that are
Littering my hand one I know got from my
Own stupidity but the rest where'd they come from
Will I ever find the answers of what else
I was forced to endure just to survive hell
That made me see myself as ghost that's
Puppeting a corpse that somehow is alive
I've always felt like a stray an outcast

The only strength I have is to outlive my
Abusers yet I know I'll never have the last laugh
I'm nothing more than damaged goods
I lack any useful skills because no one
Taught me how to do things to live
All I got are these words and how to fight
Back against the void that's trying to drag
Me into the abyss force me to relive those
Damned memories that I wish were nothing
But smoke and ash as I hear a sickening
Voice in the darkness of the abyss telling
Me to end it feel the fire in me become no
More than embers feel my life get doused
Yet I fight back I have to so I don't hurt the
Ones who are close to me because I listened
To the voice in my head that stems from
What I was told about myself growing up
Nothing more than a worthless fuck up
I've always felt like a stray an outcast