words from a broken soul

Distant

I'm distant because I lack trust
Trust is a simple concept
But with me it's been broken
Before I even knew what it was
I'm distant because I lack trust

Takes me awhile to get
Comfortable with most
Let alone trust them
But when I trust you
Break it and your dead to me
I'm distant because I lack trust

Growing up we have to trust
Our caregivers to raise us
While mine didn't raise me
Not the right way at least
They brainwashed me
Abused me every way possible
I'm distant because I lack trust

Thing is I never knew right from wrong
I got everything I wanted
Now I'm just not sure with my life
Do I snuff it out like
A flame that never lit the pit
Or keep meandering as the ghost I am
I'm distant because I lack trust

But the thing is we're our worst critic
I'm not scared of the unknown
I'd embrace it just to experience
Something different
But there's always that nagging voice
Saying these words are meaningless
And I trust it because I'm afraid of
What possible failure my poems could be
I'm distant because I lack trust

I want people to read these words
I really do but I'm not sure anyone
Will I don't even trust myself
I'm just a ghost held together by spite
To get the last laugh between me and them
But I'll never get it because I'm just like them
I'm distant because I lack trust

I want better a relationship with others
But how when I can't even trust myself
My friends seem to like my words but
Me I'm indifferent just a way to vent
My pain my emotions my thoughts
Sometimes they're just relatable
I'm distant because I lack trust

Just smile and suffer from my lack of trust
Watch as other form meaning relationships
Can't trust myself to do the same because
I'm just like those sick people who hurt me
I don't want to put someone through that
But I already did because I didn't see the signs
I'm distant because I lack trust