words from a broken soul

Soul

Humans like to believe we have one
We most likely do but what happens
When the soul knows to much misery
Made to be misery's misfit but is there
Anything you can do I ask that to often
All in regards to myself my soul feels
Like it's covered in ash branded with
To much pain to many scars yet I keep
Going in life even if I feel like a ghost
Who's puppeting a corpse that has a pulse
The mind with in the mind mine's fractured
Broken like a piece of glass that was shot
Humans like to believe we have one

Yet all around me growing up was nothing
Short of living in fucking hell yet I got used
To the hell I found myself in didn't thrive but
I sure as fuck survived it even if I paid a
Steep cost constant insanity yet sanity
So many doubts about my self so many
Fires with in me yet some are just embers
Other just cause smoke burning things
That are to harmful to remember the ones
Of my memories that deserve to be put to
Fire and laid to rest is that why my soul
Feels so bound by ash or is that just the
Damage that was done to me when I was
Just a lad shame the lad threw himself into
A well he chose suicide leaving me a copy
Humans like to believe we have one

I've lost faith in humanity before I was ten
The reason I've only been around people
Who were more akin to Nightmares most
My life family the hell is that this blood
Coursing through me is half dead yet it feels
More like a curse I was given knowing
That I could become a worse nightmare
Then the guardian fuck that the bitch
I had growing up family is something
That's so alien to me because hell was
All I had to call home anywhere away
Was freedom no matter how long or short
I won't lie things got better when I was nine
Ten years later things would change make
More sense I just didn't know it and yet I'm
Still left with so many questions that I'm just
Not sure if I want them answered is it
Worth it or will the answers cause more
Pain than what I'm already aware of
Who's to say it sure as hell isn't me
The voice I have stems from being dead
Just monotone what are emotions they're
Something I was taught to kill to survive
Now it's just second nature like breathing
Humans like to think we have one

Silence is unnerving was deaf for a time
And if It wasn't for the voice in my head
I mostly like would be more insane yet
I live a balancing act on pretending to be
Something I'm not yet I wear the mask
All the same for it two is like breathing
I'm trying to change but it's hard which
I know is normal just why did my whole
Family if you can call it that have to be
Misery's misfits the battles we went through
And go through are done in silence
Behind walls so we seem normal Yet
We aren't I'm shocked at what we are
Yet we're alive so there's that I suppose
Humans like to think we have one

I've battled depression since I was eight
When the first person who meant the world
To me died few years later another one died
After the second well that side of the family
Was dead to me they were sick fucks
The two dead were the only normal ones
Now I live my life abnormal because
Of the horrors that haunt me from my
Past lurking in my shadow whispers from
An abyss of a void reminding me what was
Drilled into my head yet whose voice does it
Use I can never figure that out truthfully I
Doubt I'll ever figure that out but I'll fight
Against the flashbacks because they're
Just that my mind with in the mind gets
That but the body doesn't so ride the
Spiral out try not to drown in these horrors
Climb back up the cliff I was pulled off
Humans like to believe we have one