words from a broken soul

Loved

Half my life I never truly felt loved
And when it was shown
It was sick, twisted, tormenting
It stems from being the only boy
And having a disgusting parental figure
Half my life I never truly felt loved

Being used for their twisted pleasure
Hated by almost everyone else
The things I can't remember
Probably better that way locked
In that viscous ashen haze
Half my life I never truly felt loved

Just have a twisted idea of what it is
But I know it's the wrong view
Wish I knew the true meaning of love
Maybe then I wouldn't be fucked up
Half my life I never truly felt loved

Emotionally starved
Fall in love hard
Fall harder
Still not over either of them
Wish I could move one
Half my life I never truly felt loved

My first relationship we were young
Going through our own hell
Me depression that hasn't gone away
Just got better at Masking it
Waiting for them to abandon me
Because everything was new
And overwhelming me
Half my life I never truly felt loved

There's not a day that goes by where
I don't chide myself for be naive
But e la vita
We all wish we could fix our past
The best we can do is own the mistakes
We made learn from the past or it repeats
Half my life I never truly felt loved

I'm starting to learn from my past
I've learned I wasn't the best friend
And an even worse boyfriend
Shit repeated in the second relationship
Always kept my insecurities to myself
Look how that turned out
Half my life I never truly felt loved

Heart broken and bitter at myself
Your insecurities will kill you
Own up to them like your past
Both will provide a lesson that will last
Best not end up in my shoes you'll hasten
Your own pain in the bitterness to yourself
Do more harm than good by running from
Those insecurities instead face them head on
Half my life I never truly felt loved