words from a broken soul

Copy

I've always felt like a copy in life
Thing is I really am just that a copy
Of a lad who was so joyful yet when
The abuse started the lad flung himself
Down the well after creating me that
Was the first and last time I saw the lad
Can't blame him for his choice of suicide
The horrors we went through the pain
We experienced and witnessed its no
Shock that we were left like a broken
And fractured mirror no time to process
The hell I forced myself to become numb to
I've always felt like a copy in life

But that's all I am a copy of someone
Who I've never known yet know all the same
Strange of how it works I know the lad
Was a joyful person yet here I am
Antisocial hiding battles with depression
And anxiety with the mask on face with
No care if I'm approachable by others standards
My face constantly looking dead to me
My eyes look to be filled with chaos and pain to me
Unsure of what value someone can find
In myself when I can't see past how damaged
I am yet uncaring all the same because
I'm just a ghost more akin to a corpse
Something that's easily forgotten from
A passing glance just meandering in life
I've always felt like a copy in life

I'm a copy of someone who had passion
Yet I'm the one who's infliction is the void
Of the abyss within me forcing me to live
Through memories that are scars things
I wish would be nothing but smoke and ash
Yet the voice of someone who made me
Hate myself makes sure to remind me I'm
Unable to escape the flashbacks yet others
Can reason is to remind myself of what I
Was told growing up how I'm a worthless mistake a fuck up
Yet I ride the spiral out that pushed me off
The cliff within my caged mind try to ignore
The sickening voice whispering in my ears
Telling me to end the meandering become
The true corpse that I see myself as feel
My life ebb away like a fire's embers getting doused
I've always felt like a copy in life

The scars on my hand what made them
Or who caused them to be there annoying
I have no faith in finding the answer to the
Questions but maybe it's better off that I'm
Unaware of these answers just like I'm
Unaware of when the lad chose death
And left me in his place forced to learn
Yet having poor examples to learn how
To communicate with others how to mange
Emotions but emotions are dull and weak
They lead to rash decisions so kill them
For being numb and cold is the best option
But what would the lad say if he saw me
What would be going on in his head with
How far yet back I've gone in living a life
That was pushed on me in a confused daze
This life I've lived behind a mask half my
Blood is dead and disowned to me I cared
For only two people on one side of what I
Have to call family those two have been
Embraced by death long ago so yeah the
Rest of my family of nightmares is dead me
I've always felt like a copy in life