words from a broken soul

Suicide "TW"

It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so
But when all you can think about
Is your own death and if it would free you
You start being able to hide the symptoms
There's the thing through everyone handles
These dark thoughts different I'm so used
To wearing a damn mask that it even fools me
I pretend to be fine so know worries about
The ghost that I've always been in the shadows
Wishing I could be normal there's no normal
Because that word is subjective
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

The hell I become numb to just to survive
It became normal for me to hear yelling
Pretty much everyday then it was so loud
My eardrums they ruptured giving me
Something I craved silence then that
Silence became dreadful just quiet
No proper way to communicate not like
I was good at that to begin with but still
The amount of times I've thought about
Just snuffing my life out like the dying
Flame I pretend to not be it's sickening
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

I got one fucking foot nailed in the past if
That wasn't bad enough there's a bear trap
Wrapped with barbed wire around that foot to
The other foot is dragging itself to
Live life in the present each day it's
Getting slower and slower wondering
When will it just stop dragging itself will
That be when I end this torment I live
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

Or do I continue to live in a past that's
Been forgotten by everyone but me
I kill my emotions to become numb and cold
But there's just certain emotions that
Won't fucking go away the past it's
My own personal shadow demon
Constantly haunting me because
Moving on is easier said than done
So much fucking easier said the done
The past is best forgotten no
But how does one get over the emotions
Of the past that just won't stay dead
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

I've been living on borrowed time
Almost died at my birth just a dead man
Who's walking like he's a living being
I may have a pulse but it's faint will
Ending my life give someone more time
When the abuse started in my childhood
I'm pretty sure I came close to death
No I know I did it just was the death of my sanity
No will to live this life because I've been
Long since dead that version of me he died
Fell down a well to never be seen again
Because those who meant the world to me
Their dead long since I was a child now
I'm just playing pretend that I'm fine
Haven't been fine since I died so to speak
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

But who's willing to help a walking corpse
A ghost who's stuck in the past but yet
In the present at the same time it's draining
Living a double life so no one gets worried
About me because why care for a corpse
Who's just meandering through life
Not know their purpose because they
Planned to be dead long ago now they
Don't know what to do with a life that
Was never meant be living this far
I don't know how I've ever made it but
I know it's never been for myself dying
Slowly everyday because it's all I've know
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so

But what is there to life the only constant
Is the suffering around the world the joy
I know from my childhood died when I did
Now I'm just a corpse walking among the
One who are living their lives yet I'm just
Dragging myself to make another day
I'm stabbing myself in the back most times
Because I'm playing pretend pretending I'm
Still alive somewhere at the bottom of a well
But I'm no optimistic person I haven't hoped
That I'll find that version of me because
I know I failed to save that version of myself
It's seen as a tragedy rightfully so