words from a broken soul

Pain

TIGGER WARNING DARK TOPICS AHEAD REFERENCES OF SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE. READER DISCRETION ADVISED.

The pain you inflicted on me
Has been imprinted on my brain
I can never forget what you did
No amount of alcohol will let me forget
The pain you inflicted on me

Has imprinted on to my soul
I want to forget what you did (oh)
But I can't escape the pain
Fuck I thought it was just your way of showing love
No it was your sick ways of using me

A punching bag one day
A sex slave another
Goddamn the memories they all bleed together
I wonder who I am
Then I remember I'm just another face on this God forsaken planet

The pain from being betrayed by family
Stings the worst growing up all I knew was
Pain even if I didn't really know
Being an empath I could feel the pained emotions of my siblings
From the abuse we suffered it was different for each of us

My oldest siblings pain was that she was never good enough
My second siblings pain was that she was never loved but that's a guess she learned to hide her emotions well
My pain was the brainwashing I experienced

And the sexual abuse I went through
It was so hellish I locked it so deep in my
Mind trying to forget the pain I went through
And it worked for most my life nineteen years to be exact

Then one fateful day it all came flowing back like a cat nine hurricane
Because a musician I listen to made a song about his sexual trauma I related to it
Unknowingly found myself shaking shallow breaths
This all lead to me seeking therapy again

because the hell I went through it destroyed me
I've always seen myself as broken
Imposter syndrome made me see myself as a broken mirror or a mask that's
Been haphazardly fixed yet its in a constant state of disarray makes me uncomfortable
Because I am broken I hide it well but
C'est la vie