Saviors [A SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

[Chapter One-Hundred-Fifteen]

Cynthia and I went down to the ME's office and we identified our mother's body. Cynthia got sick when we got there so I had to do it. I started to cry as Melinda showed me the body, and once I told her that that was our mother's body, I turned and left the room. 

"It was her, right?" Cynthia asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah. They are going to start the autopsy now... let's go home." I breathed.

"Are you going to tell the kids?" She asked slowly.

"I have to. But right now I'm picking Meredith up from the sitter and I'm going to hold my baby for a while..." I whispered. I wiped a tear from my cheek before grabbing my sister's hand. I squeezed it gently as I led her out to my car.

[*]

We went out to Bernie and Joseph's house after we picked up Meredith. I held my almost year old and cuddled her close. She rested her head against my chest and just let me hold her. It was more than likely that she was letting me hold her because it was her nap time and she was tired.

Cynthia had gone upstairs and I just tried to not focus on her crying because when she starts crying, I usually do too.

Meredith shifted a bit in my arms when the front door opened. I looked over and swallowed hard when I saw Elliot standing there.

"Hey, babe." He breathed.

"Wanna join in on holding this little love bug?" I asked. Elliot walked over and sat behind me, and he gently ran his fingers through the thin curls that were on our daughters head. He leaned in and kissed my cheek gently.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I miss my mom, El. I miss her so much and she hasn't even been gone for a day." I whimpered. Elliot took Meredith from me and put her in her pack and play before drawing me into his arms and holding me as I cried.

"We arrested her boyfriend for what happened. We are going to investigate this all." Elliot spoke.

"But nothing can bring my Mom back." I sobbed. Elliot pulled me onto his lap as he sat down. He held me close and just let me cry. He did this when my father died and when my mother died. He just held me and made me feel loved, through the losses of my three parents.

[*]

The kids got home after school as I walked downstairs after checking on Cynthia. She had cried herself to sleep and was clinging to Serena's pillow.

"Hey, Momma!" Christopher exclaimed. I walked to my kids and pulled them both into a warm hug.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Mary asked once I stepped back.

"Uh, I have to tell you something... and it's hard." I breathed.

"It's hard?" Christopher asked, as he took his jacket off and handed it to Mary because he couldn't reach the hook to put it on.

"It's a hard topic, baby. Can you both please sit on the couch?" I asked. Elliot came in and he grabbed my hand and held it as we walked towards the couch together.

"This is bad, isn't it?" Mary frowned.

"Yeah. So uh, today Grandma Serena got into an accident." I breathed.

"Oh no!" Christopher cried.

"Honey, Grandma isn't coming home. She's in heaven." I whispered. Chris looked confused, but Mary got up and ran from the room. Elliot went after her, and I looked at my son.

"Momma, can you help me?" He asked, and I nodded. I grabbed his small hand as I sat beside him.

"You know where your Mommy is? She's in heaven with my Mom and Dad, and now Grandma Serena is with them too. And Daddy's friend Owen." I whispered.

"She can't visit, right?"

"No, I'm sorry honey. She can't come and visit us, but a little piece of her is right here in your heart and in mine."

"What about Max? Will he have a part of Grandma too even if he is still in Auntie Cy's belly?" Chris asked. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to tell him no and hurt him.

"Yeah, even Max." I breathed. Chris nodded as he looked at me.

"Is it okay that I'm not crying? I don't know why I'm not crying." He frowned.

"Yeah, honey. Everyone deals with feelings differently. But would you be okay if I held you? For my sake?"

"If it'll make you feel better, Momma."

[*]

Elliot and I met up in the kitchen after all the kids went to bed. He and I sat together and he rubbed my leg gently as I sighed deeply.

"How did your talk with Mary go?" I breathed.

"She's destroyed. I didn't think she'd take it as hard as she did, but she couldn't stop crying and she was yelling at me. Babe, I even miss her." Elliot frowned. I looked at my husband and swallowed hard.

"I didn't even ask how you were doing. I'm sorry. I'm such a horrible wife." I whimpered.

"No, you aren't. You are going through another freaking hard thing. You can be selfish sometimes." He breathed.

"Thanks, babe. Uh, I'm gonna go check on Cy. Make sure that she is okay. Then I'm going to bed. Would you mind calling your parents and tell them? Just in case they want to come to the funeral."

"Yeah, of course. I'll join you soon."

I kissed my husband before walking upstairs. I opened my sister's door and she reached out to me. I walked over to her and grabbed her hand before climbing into bed with her. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head against her shoulder as I cried quietly.

"Max won't stop kicking me in the ribs," Cynthia spoke, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Meredith used to do that too. It makes you feel less numb..."

"Yeah because my ribs hurt like hell thanks to his little feet." Cynthia laughed softly. 

"We can get through this, Cynthia. I know we can. Let's get some sleep." I spoke, and I tried to decide to move, but I was just too exhausted. I rolled over onto my back and fell asleep right there as a few extra tears ran down my cheeks.

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