Saviors [A SVU and Bensler Fan Fic]

[Chapter Sixty-Nine]

Lea stayed with us for another week before she was sent to stay with her Grandmother in Maine. It was a sad day for us all because once again, Elliot and I fell in love with her even if we both knew we shouldn't. Chris was heartbroken, but to make it up to him, we took him out to stay with Bernie and Joseph for the weekend to help him get his mind off of Lea.

"You look nice," Elliot spoke, as I walked out of the downstairs bathroom. I was going to see Serena and test the waters, and if nothing seemed off then I'd tell Cynthia and she said she'd go visit her.

"I try," I smirked, as I sat down on the edge of the couch, and leaned down to tie my shoes.

"Ready to go see her and talk to her?"

"No, not really. El, I'm still nervous and scared about this all. I'll be home before dinner, and then you and I can spend our last night without having Chris here together."

"Oh, baby making?" Elliot asked, and I sighed.

"You are horrible." I sighed again, before standing and heading towards the front door.

"Come on, Chris wants a brother, and I plan on giving him one." He smirked. I felt my face go red and hot, as I opened the door and left without even kissing my husband goodbye.

[*]

"Mom." I breathed, as I got closer to the visitors' room. Serena sat in a chair staring out the window, and she looked beyond exhausted. I assume she didn't sleep last night because she was nervous.

"Ms. Benson, your daughter is here." The woman who led me down to the room spoke.

Serena turned around to look at me. She smiled as she stood, before crossing to where I stood. She hugged me warmly, and I hugged her back. 

"It's so good to see you." She breathed, without even stopping our hug.

"It's good to see you too, Mom. Is there a place where we can talk privately? I don't want us to start fighting and for us to make a scene?" I questioned as we parted.

"Yeah, I think we can talk in my room."

[*]

After moving the venue of our visit, my mother and I sat and drank tea as we both tried to figure out what to do. What to say.

"I never thought either of you would find me getting high." Serena breathed, and I looked up from my cup and right at her.

"Well, you kicked your favorite kid out of the apartment... Something had to have happened to cause you to do that." I replied.

"She isn't my favorite, Liv." She replied, and I shrugged.

"Honestly, I could care less if she is or isn't your favorite. She was taken from you, so you are making up for lost time. But... I really wish you would've told me about how you were feeling after I was attacked. Then maybe we could've helped you. Maybe you wouldn't have turned back to drugs if you would've talked."

"I was so scared, love. When I saw you all bruised and hurt. I saw myself when I looked at you. After that bastard raped me, I was bloody and bruised. I was beyond hurt, and even if no one said you were raped, I just couldn't help but add that to the attack. It wasn't you that got hurt, it was me. All over again."

"Mom, I wasn't raped."

"I know." 

"You know that Cy and I are always here for you, right? We'd do anything for you..."

"Because both of your parents are dead, you are left with me, huh?"

"No, I was left with Bernie, Joseph, and you." I smiled a bit, and she laughed gently.

"Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me for what I did?"

"For doing drugs? I can forgive you for that."

"And can I meet my grandson?"

"Once you are out of here. Once you feel like you are in a good enough place to be apart of his life."

"I'm getting better, Livvie. I swear."

"Well, to make sure you really mean that, I brought you a picture of your grandson. Something to motivate you to really get better." I spoke, before getting into my purse.

I pulled out a small framed picture of my son. He was laughing so hard he had tears running down his cheeks, and Elliot and I had to get a picture of him. 

"His name is Christopher, but he gets called Chrissy and Chris most of the time," I spoke, and she smiled as she looked down at the picture. She barely touched the frame, as if she would break it and possibly any chance of her being a grandmother to my son.

"His hair is so red. And that smile." She breathed, and I grinned proudly. That kid may not biologically be mine, but I was proud of him like his biological mother had been.

"He's a goofball. He and Elliot get along so well."

"That's good. Boys need a father."

"Everyone needs a father."

"They do. You told me that his mother was murdered?" Serena breathed, and I nodded.

"Yeah. My partner and I got a call about domestic violence. When we got there, the mother was already dead. We didn't make it on time. Christopher's father killed his mother, and he had seen it. No one really realized that there had been a child in that household until I walked down the hall and saw pictures of him and his parents. When I got into his room, I laid on the floor and saw him under the bed. I was the only one he trusted, so he ended up going home with me."

"You and your sister are too good to be my kids."

"We were raised by the Cragens. But Mom, some of this goodness had to have come from you. We never really have talked about what your life was like before us..."

"I was a happy person. I worked and I hung out with friends. I didn't do a lot of anything else."

"You were happy before, but clearly not after." I breathed, and she frowned.

"I tried my hardest at first. I tried to be happy so that you and I could be a family, but it was just too much. You were a very fussy baby, and I was just overwhelmed. But I'm happy now, Olivia. I'm happy that I have both of my girls in my life, and now I have another reason to try and stay sober. I plan on spoiling Christopher."

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