𝗔𝗶𝗻'𝘁 𝗡𝗼 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝘆 𝗟𝗼𝘄 𝗘𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 🤍

•𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 272 🥀

•🌹•

Nikki's POV, October 16th 2005

The final show of the tour was tonight, we were on our way there and it was awkward as fuck, the last show was awkward as fuck too. And it was all my fault. This tour went from being probably the best to the worst all in the span of days.

Y/N wasn't talking to me and I ended up having to tell Tommy about what happened because it wasn't something that could be kept secret so even he was being weird with me now, Mick knew too, but Y/N told him. I didn't explicitly know Mick knew but saw the looks he'd been giving me and knew it could be for no other reason.

I wanted to call Tommy out for being weird with me because I was never weird with him when he cheated on literally everyone he's ever been with, but then I reasoned Y/N was his best friend and it was different. Not much different but that's his logic for you.

And no, the kids didn't know yet, I'm sure they'll find out tomorrow when we get home, it's best not to tell them until we're back but fuck, it's gonna be a mess telling them. They're gonna hate me and I wasn't ready for that, I never could be. I never wanted to fuck up my family but look at me, I have done just that because I didn't use my brain and chose ego fuel over the woman I love.

I was purposely keeping out of everyone's way, not that anyone wants to talk to me much anyways... I was sat at the back of the bus, next to the window, bathing in my own self pity.

I haven't felt this shit in a long time and it sucks balls that I'm back in a place like this again. I made myself into a person who I actually liked for a while, I've turned that to ash again.

I won't ever understand how my mind worked that night, I don't know what I was thinking. I spent the last couple of nights trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me but that's had the same result, I just end up crying myself to sleep.

Y/N was sat with Vince and Tommy while Mick was choosing like usual to keep himself to himself. At least he has that choice.

We'd been on the road for two hours and probably had another hour to go, I'm not sure if I want this journey to go quicker or slower both were as excruciating as the other.

As I was just lost in my own thoughts I didn't initially realize that Mick had slid into the bench opposite me, I only realized after spoke up "What were you actually doing, Nikki?" Mick's voice sounded and I didn't have to be told what he was talking about.

"I don't know." I whispered after a long moment of silence.

"You're going to have to do better than 'I don't know'." He said firmly.

And I met his eyes, which were judging me and rightly so "Don't look at me like that." I huffed "I deserve it but don't Mick, please."

"I'll look at you however I damn well please. You've hurt Y/N, again, after all that shit you went through to get her back, Vince giving up his chance with her for you and you just discard all that shit like it's nothing? You might have been with her for a long fucking time but that's because you married her, you chose to be with her. Even if you're both not the same age you were when you met, you still chose her- people get old, it fucking happens so don't you dare go choosing worthless young groupies over someone who loves you like Y/N does."