𝗔𝗶𝗻'𝘁 𝗡𝗼 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝘆 𝗟𝗼𝘄 𝗘𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 🤍

•𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 279 🥀

•🌹•   

Nikki's POV, January 14th 2006

Things since last week and the dinner I prepared for Y/N had been going good, we were still working things out but we were getting there, I only wish I could say that same thing about Blaze.

Time seems to be making things worse rather than better.

I tried to ignore it, I tried to look past the glares and the snarky comments, the resistance to do anything I told him to do but it was hard because I knew why he was being like this and it was just slowly wrecking me.

It was tough to swallow the way he looks at me because he's my son, my baby and knowing I've hurt him possibly even more than I hurt Y/N breaks me apart.

My worst fear when it came to having kids was having them resent me, and having that thrown full force in my face by my own actions is probably one of the worst feelings ever.

Vince was coming over tomorrow morning to just hang out and I knew he wanted to work on another Crüe album and I did too but I had to get everything set with the book and the soundtrack I'm releasing with it.

The closer I became to actually having my diaries ready to be publicly released was making me increasingly nervous just because of what people will think of me and given Blaze would no doubt read it, I don't think reading the full extent of things I did on drugs would help him get back on good terms, hopefully though by the time the book is released things will be better. Or not and that'd be the worst case scenario.

The soundtrack was my main concern right now though, I'd written most of the songs I wanted by now and me along with a couple of friends, DJ Ashba and James Michael were starting to plan out schedules and things for recording for the album which we should start in the next few months.

I wanted to start the next Crüe album late this year too or early next year, so the projects will probably clash but that's fine, James and I have written songs together before and I'm sure if I need to extra help to get lyrics done quickly for the Crüe album then he'll help me out, maybe DJ will too. Who knows right now.

But there's a lot planned on a musical front for me right now.

On a personal front though, right now it was a few minutes away from being 2am and I'd spent the last three hours waiting for Blaze to come to bed. I originally asked him eleven and he said 'in a minute', three hours later that minute hadn't arrived.

I was sat in bed with Y/N and both of us were reading waiting for him to drag his ass upstairs but it didn't look like he was going too.

Eventually I voiced that concern to Y/N "He's not going to come up here at his own will is he?"

"Doesn't look like it."

"Fuck. Can't you go ask him?"

"Why?"

"He'll listen to you."

"You can't just give up, just go and put your foot down with him and if he still doesn't move then I'll get involved but you can't just give up, you going down there again shows you care."

I knew where she was coming from but I honestly don't think Blaze is going to take a scrap of notice to what I actually say to him, but it's worth a shot I guess.