Love In The Lights (Justin Bieber Story)

Chapter 93

JUSTIN’S POINT OF VIEW

(New Year's eve)

I don’t know what to think or do anymore, I’ve been like this for days now and I don’t how to stop it, YN knows that something is up and every time she even tries to get closer to me, I immediately but my guard up and don’t let her in, I can’t help it, I guess I am just scared to know what her reaction will be like when she does find out what I’m hiding from her, i want to marry her, of course i do but what Scooter said to me was and still is replaying in my head, i don't want to get married and then get a divorce a year later, i would rather wait a while to get married so that the marriage will last forever, i just want to be with her. I’m annoyed at everyone, no one seems to care what I think or feel anymore especially Scooter, I have been non-stop arguing with him for days, ever since he told me to cancel the wedding and I said no, he has been nothing but a dick practically forcing me to cancel it, but I don’t want to… or didn’t want to, I don’t know what I want. What Scooter is saying has been getting deep into my head, far too deep for my liking, I was so happy for once but somebody has to go and ruin it. I took a quick glance over to the other end of the couch and looked at YN, so looked so deep in thought yet so beautiful, I stared at her for a while how I yearned to feel her lips on mine and just hold her and kiss her, but I couldn’t because something within me was stopping me, and I dint know how to control it. ‘You okay YN?’ I asked her looking at her, waiting in anticipation for an answer, she quickly looked at me then back to the TV, nodding in response as the tension in the room grew thick, something that seems to be happening a lot more between us two. 

YOUR POINT OF VIEW

(New Year's eve)

Everyone flew back to Canada a few days ago now, and luckily we got to spend as much time with them as possible without being distracted, this year has gone so fast to say the least, everything around me seems to be flying full speed ahead, but I want everything to slow down so I can just stop, thank the people that I am surrounded by and just enjoy the moment and appreciate everything and everyone, think about how lucky I am to be given this path in my life, I truly am grateful for everything. So me and Justin agreed to kind of keep our engagement a secret from the fans and paparazzi for the time being just so we could kind of let it sink in our self and not have to worry about what everyone thinks. I would be lying if I say it didn’t hurt when Justin said he didn’t want to tell people about our engagement because it did, I don’t know why, the way he said no so suddenly made me think that he doesn’t want people to know that he is engaged to me and that he’s I don’t know… embarrassed of me? But I quickly shrugged the thought of knowing that that wasn’t true because if he didn’t want to be engaged to me he wouldn’t be, right? 

Justin has been so distant this past days, ever since he came back from New Jersey and as the days creep by my mind only assumes the worst thing possible, Justin seems to always be deep in thought and just generally different with me, I don’t know why, like whenever I go to kiss him, he would only quickly peck my lips, or when I would try to cuddle up to him in bed, he would just shrug me off we sleep on the complete opposite sides of the bed as if we were thousands of miles apart, it has been going on for days now and I have no clue as to why, ever since he came back from New Jersey. I just keep thinking, is there something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough for him anymore? Has he found someone better than me? Or maybe he doesn’t want to marry me anymore and is having second thoughts, n-no it can’t be that he has been going on for so long about how he want to marry me, so he wouldn’t just change his mind like that, no he wouldn’t. Although right now it seemed as if I was trying to convince myself and failing miserable ‘you okay YN?’ Justin asked snapping me out of my thoughts, I snapped my head towards him staring at him as he stared back at me with no emotion behind his indulgent brown eyes, he was sat on the other end of the couch to me, as furthest away as possible, he called me YN, something that has also been happening a lot more recently, sounds stupid and crazy but he would rarely call me YN and would always call me babe or baby, but now it’s just YN. I nodded my head in response bringing my knees up to my chest and focusing on the TV again, I was beginning to get annoyed with the way Justin was acting at first I was upset with him and wanted to know why, I kept trying to cuddle and kiss him but now I don’t even bother and I’m getting annoyed but then again Justin doesn’t seem to care, I was almost at the point at which I was annoyed at him and didn’t want to speak to him. We barely talk now, and I just don’t know what has been going on. Justin would always be the one cuddling me and kissing me all the time, and for it to all suddenly stop when he was still here and hadn’t gone back on tour just confuses me to say the least. I heard Justin sigh