Love In The Lights (Justin Bieber Story)

Chapter 165

YOUR POINT OF VIEW

Am I hurt? Yes incredibly.

But am I going to show that? No, never. I need to put on a strong front, just so Justin doesn't get annoyed or feel even worse before.

Of course I don't want Justin to go on tour, and its clear that he doesn't want to either, and I can tell that because Justin is being so soft at the moment, almost as if he is a fragile china doll, moments away from breaking. He has been barely talking about much, keeping quiet and to himself but that, at the same time, he won't let go of me, always kissing me, telling me he loves me, almost as if he does leave me alone- for just one second- I'll run away and never look back. And to see Justin like this breaks my heart.

I guess he is acting like this because, even though he said to me, last night that he didn't want to go on tour, he is still going because he hasn't spoken to Scooter yet and even though he doesn't want to go, Scooter can still make him.

So right now, I'm just trying to accept the fact that he is going to go back on tour, just so I don't get my hopes up because if he doesn't go on tour, then obviously I'll be ecstatic.

But right now, I cannot, and I will not think about that. Because knowing me, I'll get to excited and get my hopes up, only for them to be crushed back down viciously and then that will result in me getting my heart ripped out on my chest whilst I cry, on my own, knowing that I could potentially give birth at any second and he might be across the world.

And that thought scared the shit out of me.

Currently, we were lying in bed, both of us were perfectly awake but yet... neither of us spoke and we stayed quiet and kept silent, just the occasional kiss on the top of my head from Justin and the soft breathing of both me and Justin. My head was placed on his chest as I had my arm loosely wrapped around his torso, pulling him closely to me, never wanting to let him go, even though I knew in the back of my mind, he was most likely going to have to go.

I hated this, I hated the silence, but yet... I couldn't say anything, I had nothing to say, I didn't know what to say. I knew that the moment I said something I'd be begging for him to stay, and I did want him to stay, of course I did. But I couldn't do that. I had to tell him to go, even though I didn't want him to, I always told him that I was never going to come between him and his career, and just because we're married and I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I want to stop him from doing what he loves.

'baby? a-are you awake?' Justin mumbled into my hair 'yeah' I whispered back as I pecked his chest 'm-morning' he stuttered slightly, just proving that he hated this just as much as I did.

'I hate this' I sighed as I pulled away from him so I could look at his face 'hate what?' Justin asked as he rolled onto his side, now facing me, just so he could study my face also.

'this' I motioned between us 'we can't even speak, I know that this isn't the most ideal thing, but we need to face it' I sighed 'let's talk about it then, I hate this to, it's just... I don't know what to talk about, I don't really know what to say' he mumbled 'then... just let me speak, I want to tell you something' I said licking my lips, reading myself before I began.

'I'm not going to lie to you, the moment you told me you were going to have to go back on tour, I hate being away from you. And the fact that we are now married at that I am coming to the end of my pregnancy only makes it harder, but I have said this to you from the moment we started dating, you love performing and you love your job, and no matter how hard this is on me, I don't want to be the one thing that stands in the way of you doing what you love. It'll be hard, don't get me wrong, but I'll be here when you get back, and I'm not leaving you, never. So i-I, I don't want you to go on tour, because I'll miss you, but I want you to go, because I'm not going to be the one thing to stand in the way' I said, almost breaking down into tears once again, but I quickly wiped them away before he had the chance to see.

'I know that you don't want to be the one thing that makes me stay, but just listen to me now okay? I was on tour, away from you, for months on end, and I only saw you a month before I had to disappear again, and I can't even begin to explain how much that killed me. But I'm older now, I have other responsibilities, more important ones. You and our little baby boy mean the world to me, and I am not going to let anything change that or put that in danger. So yes, you are the one thing that is stopping me from going, but that is because I love you, I love you so much that it hurts. And I love our little Dylan, and I want to be there from the moment he is born, so I'm going to speak to Scooter and tell him that I'm not going, no matter what you say, nothing is going to change my mind, I'm not going on tour for a few reasons, I don't want to go because I don't want to go, so I don't want you to think you have anything to do with this, I don't want you to feel bad at all, okay?' Justin murmured quietly.

'okay' I said nodding my head lightly as I bit down on my lip 'good, now let's forget about this, and give me a kiss' Justin smirked, oh that smirk, that smirk that I have missed- even though it has been less than a day- but I was happy he was back to being himself.

'wait, when are you going to talk to Scooter?' I asked, placing my hands on Justin's chest to stop him from kissing me in this moment 'I actually called him last night when you fell asleep, asking for him to come over today so I can talk to him, I have a feeling he knows what I'm going to say though'

JUSTIN'S POINT OF VIEW

Hearing the knock on the door, I knew it was Scooter but YN told me that she would get it, so I didn't press it any further.

Spinning on my chair so I could face the door, I watched as YN opened the door, a comforting hand placed on her stomach as the t-shirt of mine hung loosely over her stomach, regardless of the fact she was pregnant, it was still big on her.

And even after all these years of being together I could never get over how stunning she was; it almost wasn't fair.

Opening the door wide, I could only imagine the smile on her face as Scooter beamed a loud 'hello' before pulling YN into a hug.

'How's the kid doing?' Scooter asked, genuinely interested 'Justin's good' she joked earning a playful scowl from me. 'only joking, he is doing really well, he is healthy and growing well' she smiled as she closed the door behind them.

'I am actually just about to head out and go and see my mum, so it was good to see you Scooter, and Justin I'll see you later, I love you' she smiled, giving me a quick kiss before giving Scooter another hug and sending me a subtle 'you'll be okay' smile before waving her hand and walking out of the door.

I sighed and stood up, leading Scooter into the living room.

'so what's up?' Scooter asked, unaware of what I was going to say 'oh, I need to talk to you about tour' I said, running a hand through my hair 'okay? What's wrong?' he asked furrowing his eyebrows 'I just don't think I can do it' I breathed.

'what do you mean you don't think you can do it?' Scooter asked 'it's just that, I'm going to be away for so long and I cant leave YN not now that she is nearing the end of her pregnancy, I can't leave her, not knowing she could give birth and I won't be there, that's not fair or on my son' I said, shaking my head.

'I don't really know what you want me to do?' Scooter asked 'everything's booked and set' he mumbled 'without asking me though? I'm not going, say I'm so sorry to everyone, but they'll understand I'm having a family now, I have other priorities' I explained as he sighed 'I cant do that Justin' he snapped.

'we don't sell tickets for the promotion, I do free shows, that people don't know about until the day before, so people wont be hurt, I'm sorry, but nothing is changing my mind, and that is that' I hissed.

'I can see this is annoying you Justin, and I guess... I'll see what I can do, I just cant get used to the face that you're a family man now, I'll cancel it, but you're going to carry on writing music, right?' he asked.

'yes, of course, but im not touring with this album, next album I will, I promise, when Dylan is old enough to tour with us and YN can come to' I smiled small. 'you're doing the right thing kid, I'm proud of you' he returned the smile.