Mafiatale - Living Life Among Crime [Frans]

Lying To Himself [44]

Sitting at a small table, opposite each other, the brothers were in agonising silence. It was clear to Papyrus that Sans didn't want to be the one to say the first word, with the way he was avoiding his eyes and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Before Papyrus spoke, a waitress came over to put the drinks that they had ordered when coming in on their table. Papyrus thanked them for both him and Sans, before the bone brothers were left alone again, free to talk about whatever they wanted.

"SO... HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? HOW HAS DAD BEEN?" Papyrus decided he'd start with this to try and break the ice. Sans still didn't answer. "SANS... COME ON, PLEASE. PLEASE TALK TO ME."

"well, ya don't have to act like nothin' has changed with the small talk conversation. how do ya think we've been? do ya think i've been havin' fun? do i look like i've been havin' a good time?" Sans growled, before exhaling, and sagging in his seat. He didn't want to get angry at Papyrus. He didn't deserve it... He was just being a dick - like usual. "...i didn't want ya to find me, papyrus..."

"WHY NOT? WHY HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING ALL OF THIS TIME? I KNOW... WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING ISN'T... EXACTLY GOOD..." Papyrus frowned. "BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?"

"why do ya think? i didn't want ya to hate me. i didn't want ya to look at me differently. because i am a different person. ya can't pretend that i'm not." Sans told him. He had always wanted to explain the truth to Papyrus; then he also knew that he couldn't. No matter how much he missed Papyrus, no matter how much he wanted to talk to him, he couldn't bring himself to do that. 

"i also didn't want ya to get involved. i didn't want ya to get involved in such a thing... doin' what i do, it's earned me a livin', but it's also ruined me. i don't know anythin' else, and i don't think i could ever be normal again, paps. i know that look you're givin' me. don't even think of askin' me to quit." Sans shook his head. "so, the only choice ya have is to be against me." He finished, staring down at the table, not wanting to see the expression on Papyrus' face. He hated that part of him also felt fear - due to that nightmare he remembered having, where Papyrus had wrapped his hands around his throat. From what he remembered of Papyrus, he wouldn't expect him to do such a thing, but... He couldn't help but feel afraid.

"S-SANS... I... I DON'T WANT TO BE AGAINST YOU. YOU'RE MY BROTHER." Papyrus spoke, seeming to try and fight back tears threatening to form in his eyes. Hearing the slight shakiness in his voice, Sans slowly glanced back to his face. "I HATE THAT IT'S LIKE THIS. THAT WE'RE ON SEPARATE SIDES. I HATE HAVING TO HIDE THE TRUTH, TO LIE." 

"papyrus... ya shouldn't have to lie for me. the fact that we're brothers won't matter to them. they won't be sympathetic once they find out the reason ya were hidin' what i do from them. you'll lose your job." Sans said. 

"I KNOW. I KNOW THAT JUST AS WELL AS YOU DO, SANS." Papyrus answered. "BUT YOU'RE MY BROTHER. IF IT WERE YOU IN MY SITUATION, COULD YOU JUST EASILY TELL PEOPLE ABOUT ME, WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF ME GOING TO PRISON, POSSIBLY KILLED? COULD YOU?" Papyrus demanded for an answer. Sans was quiet for about a good thirty seconds, until he sighed.

"...no. i couldn't do that... like i said, all i've ever wanted was the best for ya. it's why i didn't wanna tell ya... why i lied to ya. why i disappeared and made ya believe i was dead. i didn't want ya to lead the same life as me... i'm... i'm sorry, bro." Sans muttered, tears going to sting at his own eyesockets. 

"i only wanted ya to be okay... i never wanted to hurt ya." He whispered, then proceeding to fall quiet, as his little brother did the same. 

Upon seeing that Sans looked clearly upset, Papyrus went to move his seat closer to Sans, and offering his arms to him, he wanted to give him a hug. Sans strongly hesitated, clearly unsure whether to hug him. Papyrus noticed this, but remained patient, still keeping his arms held out, until his older brother finally decided to sag into his arms, beginning to sob as he did. From there on out, Papyrus went to give his brother words of comfort, not wanting to think he was angry with him. He was just glad that Sans had given him the chance to talk things out, that they were making progress; perhaps they understood each other a little more.

It was so strange. How ever since Frisk came into Sans' life, out of nowhere other things would start to happen. Good things would happen to him - he got his dad back, he got the others to work with him to do that, even though he had been the biggest jerk. He got to tell his brother his thoughts, and Papyrus didn't hate him for it. Instead, he held him, the way Sans used  to hold Papyrus when he had terrible nightmares and he used to cry out from fear. But Sans would have always been there for him.

Positive things were trying to happen in his life. Was... Was Frisk one of those positive things? She was always so sweet to him, no matter what. She had held onto their friendship, even though he hadn't been the best friend that he could have offered to her in return. Now because of him, it felt like she was slipping away from him, that he was going to lose her altogether. They were both uncomfortable around each other even now, even though Sans had apologised for what he said. Maybe he didn't hate Frisk. Perhaps he didn't think she was the most annoying person on the planet. 

As he had reestablished to himself over and over, Frisk had done so much good for him. Never once had she tried to hurt him, even though he wanted to believe that she was waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Now that he thought about it, she probably could have done that when he had been in a coma, she could have destroyed him. But she didn't. Instead, she stayed watching over him, taking care of him. Not even getting any sleep; she seemed like she had been thinking about him way more than herself, even though he never believed he deserved it. 

She had... She had just been the best. He didn't want to lie to her, he didn't want to lie to himself. That was the whole reason why he had rejected her, why he had said no to her confession. But perhaps now... By just saying no...

He was actually lying to himself that way.