Euphoria - Jenlisa One Shots

Let Go - Part 3

T/W:
Explicit terms / language

Flashback
-Jennie-

"What did you say?" Lisa confirmed in a firm tone. I know she's just controlling herself.

"I-am pregnant." I responded in a shaky voice. I didn't notice that I'm already crying.

"W-Why? I mean how?" This time her voice is much lower but I still can't deny the hurt and betrayal behind it.

I lashed out. That's my defense mechanism in every situation I'm facing.

"Isn't it obvious?! I had sex." I answered in a loud voice. "You really think you're satisfying my needs Lisa?!" I even added.

I saw how it pains Lisa but I'm too late, I already hurt her.

She took a deep breath before asking another question.

"Who's the father?" She inquired.

"It's not important. This is a mistake, so it should be corrected." I said in my cold voice, of course at the back of my head, even how much I convinced myself that it's okay to abort this "little life" growing inside of me I still can't deny the fact that it's hard for me to do it too. How can I punish someone who's innocent?

"You don't mean that Jen. I can help you, we can raise that child together." Lisa genuinely offered. This is the only time I had the guts to look at Lisa. She's looking at me with sincerity, I don't deserve her. I'm not stupid, ever since I know how much Lisa values me, well, more of how much Lisa loves me more than her friend but I always take her for granted thinking that since I'm giving her my body it's should suffice everything she's doing for me. She did not forced me though, I'm the one who want this set up, I'm the one who initiated everything. Lisa even rejected me the first time I told her I want her but the moment I told her I'll ask for others help if she really don't want me, she had no choice but to take me. Every time we did the "act" I always felt Lisa's respect and love towards her action, she always consider me first. I guess I have no respect with myself back then so I find someone who can give me the disrespect that I want, I will not get that from Lisa cause all I can get from her is love. I slept to different kinds of people. People who somewhat can relate with my life, until I met Kai. He's different from those who I slept with yet can relate with me, I don't know. I felt instant connection with him maybe because his parents were also divorced. He understood where I'm coming from, unlike Lisa who see the world differently. I want someone who's more real, real in a way because we're taking the same path. Kai is not afraid to tell me his insecurities in life, so I'm drawn into him. I spent most of my time with him that I totally forget about Lisa. I remember every moments I came home to see sleeping Lisa on my couch, she waited all night because she's worried about me. Lisa who never asked about my whereabouts as long as I'll go home safe. Lisa who will welcome me with warm smile and ask me if I'm hungry so she can reheat the food she prepared last night but I'm blinded. I never acknowledged everything that Lisa did for me. I'm so stubborn. I'm too selfish. Lisa convinced me not to abort the baby. The moment she offered to marry me, I declined and instead run after Kai. He's the father of the child I'm carrying after all, I'm just glad that since Kai and I shared the same fate about our broken family, we don't want our child to experience the same thing so even lacking with "love" he agreed and until now we're enduring the life choices we made.

I was brought back to reality when I felt someone caressing my cheek.

"You okay Nini?" Lisa gently asked maybe she noticed that I zone out.

I gave her a soft smile and a nod.

"Yes. I'm sorry." I apologized.

She chuckled and open her arms, welcoming me for a hug. I didn't hesitate and oblige. I just love being inside Lisa's embrace. We both sigh in content. I bury my face on Lisa's neck inhaling her addicting smell, this is one of the things I love about Lisa. She smells home.