ꜱᴛᴜᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ- ᴋɪʟʟᴜᴀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ [OLD]

52- 𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘹 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘥

"Hey, it was just a dream, it won't happen. I won't let it." Leorio comforted. "Quinn won't die, okay? They mean too much to both you and me."

"How do we know that though? What if I can't do enough for them?" I wailed. "What if I can't do enough for Quinn?"

"What do you mean what if you can't do enough for me?" They chuckled, appearing from out of the corner. "You're already doing so much." They walked over and began to cup my cheek gently.

"No, I'm not. I've been completely disregarding you for Killua lately. If I can't care for all my friends at the same time, I must be a horrible person! I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to see you get hurt, but I need to be better." I continued to weep, my voice shaky as well as the rest of my body. "I'm not being fair to you. I know how you feel about me, and I'm treating you so terribly."

They were quiet for a moment, seemingly at a loss for words. "Y/n, you're feeling so much right now. I understand that. Big emotions take a big toll on people, that's how that works. And I don't expect you to stop and try to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders for me. You shouldn't have to do it for Killua either, but as long as he's not forcing you, I can understand. But who ever said you had to lift that weight alone?"

"I did. It's not right for me to tell you anything." I sobbed.

"It's not right for you to bottle things up." They pulled me into a hug, their sweater smelling like vanilla, which calmed me down somewhat. "Don't you ever think you have to hide anything from me because it's not right. That's not what Killua wants. Not what Gon wants. It's definitely not what I want."

"I had a dream you died and that I couldn't save you." My lip quivered as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Your blood was all over my hands and I just couldn't...you...In my arms...I tried to shake..." I couldn't explain it to them. It hurt too much.

"Shh, it's okay, you don't need to explain. I got you, I got you." They smiled, rubbing circles on my back. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm gonna be here for as long as possible, and when I die, it'll be way after you're gone. I gotta live for you. No pressure."

"Gotta live...for me?" I frowned.

"Well yeah, I guess. The way I see it, life isn't worth living without you." Their voice vibrated against their chest. "I really, really love you."

"I...I love you too." I smiled. 

"You're always there for me, and I'd really like to do more for you. I'm sorry I haven't been taking your feelings into account. I'll try to be better." I sighed.

"Don't apologize, it's okay. I know this is hard, but I know when it's over and we get Killua back, you'll be your old, light-hearted, bowl-throwing, old self again." They giggled. "Now come on, I'm carrying you back to bed." They picked me up, walking through the door that was propped open with a chair, and throwing me on my bed. "Good night, you dork. Sweet dreams."

~~

The next morning, after a quick breakfast, we were all rushed outside of the gate to try and push it open. We wore vests that were about 50 kilograms. The wind blew slightly and Gon stepped forward, seemingly unafraid of getting more injured than he already was.

"Gon, wait." Leorio called after him. "You just watch, okay?"

"But why?" Gon replied.

"You need your arm to heal properly first," Kurapika explained.

"If everyone else can open it ourselves, you won't have to worry." Leorio explained. "Let us handle it."

"Fine." Gon frowned.

"Hey, I can watch with you if that makes you feel any better!" I offered. "I don't want anyone feeling left out, and I can always try tomorrow."

"No, that wouldn't be fair. You're not injured. Besides, I think Quinn was kind of looking forward to training with you today. Thank you anyway though!" He sat down on the ground.

"If that's what you want. Just let me know if you change your mind okay?" I said, just before skipping off.

Kurapika, Leorio, Quinn, and I put our hands against the door. I felt a bit nervous, but I'd be all right. "You ready?" Leorio shouted, checking in with everyone.

"Hell yeah!" Quinn smirked.

"Yup!" I replied.

"Yeah!" Kurapika shouted back.

We all pushed, all using different amounts of strength. I pushed harder and harder, my eyebrows furrowing with frustration. "You doing all right, Quinn?" I asked.

"Am I doing all right? We just started, it's way too early for me to get exhausted." They chuckled.

"Come on, you're only wasting your time." Seaquant said dully. We ignored him and persisted, our legs shaking. Both Leorio and Kurapika fell down, and I collapsed shortly after.

"No use, it won't budge." Kurapika sighed, his breath heavy.

"Damn it!" Leorio grunted. "But we only just started training, if we work hard enough, I know we can do it!"

"Yeah! We just gotta try." I smiled, my breath running short.

"I wish I shared your optimism." Kurapika sighed.

"Come on you guys, let's get up." Quinn let out their hand to pull up me and Leorio and just completely turned around, not bothering to help out Kurapika.

We then had a montage of all of us lifting chairs and shit to help us get stronger, which we did in front of the gate for some odd reason. We walked around the forest, where we found Gon doing one-armed push-ups. He stopped once he noticed us and quickly sat down, criss-cross applesauce style, as though we didn't catch him, nervously giggling a bit.

"Gon. You need to take a break." I scolded, folding my arms. "You're not healed all the way yet."

By the time we had finished, it was sundown and I was exhausted.