ꜱᴛᴜᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ- ᴋɪʟʟᴜᴀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ [OLD]

68- 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘹 𝘔𝘦

I woke up in the middle of the night and turned my head to see Killua beside me, who was wide awake. I didn't say anything but just stared. "Gon, are you up?" He whispered. Gon, who was most likely asleep, didn't answer.

"I'm awake." I smiled, still a bit sleepy.

"Oh! Hi Y/n." His voice sounded sad.

"You okay?" I sat up, gripping his shoulder gently.

"Mhm. You don't hafta worry about me." He muttered, fidgeting with his fingers. "Just go back to bed. Sorry if I woke you up."

"Nah, I just woke up randomly. But what's bugging you?" I asked, getting a bit closer to him.

"I don't think I should dump my problems onto you." He sighed.

"You let me do it to you. So vent, please. I'm always here if you need an ear." I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder and closing his eyes. "Because we're 4liferz." I joked.

"That was stupid." He laughed.

"I know, that's why I said it." I grinned. "Anyway, tell me what's wrong so I can help!"

"Well...It's kind of embarrassing." He sighed.

"That's okay! You shouldn't feel embarrassed around me." I comforted.

"Uh...Okay." He smiled. "Well, there's someone I really really like. Like a lot, maybe romantically? But I don't know. I've never even been shown platonic love or love between family, so I wouldn't know for sure, but...This love feels different." Killua scratched the back of his neck. "But I just wanna act on these thoughts that I have. Like...Like kissing them until they ask me to stop, and then just...snuggling up with them! As cheesy as that sounds."

"Okay, I see." I replied.

"Is that weird? Is that...Is that normal?" He frowned. "Is there something wrong with me for wanting that?"

"Sounds like a crush to me. There isn't anything wrong with that, in fact, it's normal for people our age." I chuckled. "So, who is it?" I teased.

"Hey, I'm not telling you!" He exclaimed.

"Awe, please? I'll be your best friend." I pleaded.

"You already are my best friend, stupid." He laughed.

"It's Gon, isn't it?" I joked.

"What? No!" He grunted.

"Oh, it totally is!" I giggled. "You two would be cute." I smiled, trying to ignore the strange and painful twinge in my heart.

"Y/n, I don't like him like that." Killua frowned, grabbing my hands. "He's just my friend."

"Well, other than Quinn, there isn't anyone else you'd like in that way." I pulled my hands away, putting them on my lap. "And You and Quinn don't even get along that well, so...yeah." I grimaced.

"Y/n, I..." He started, but didn't finish. "Forget it."

"Tell me," I demanded. "Finish the sentence, please."

"I can't." He didn't look me in the eye. "I'm not ready."

"What do you need to be ready for? I thought we'd tell each other everything!" I clenched the blankets, feeling upset for apparently no reason.

"I'm just not ready to tell you yet!" He shouted. "You'd probably hate me for it." Killua titled his head down and looked away, his fluffy, white hair moving a bit as he did so.

"Killua." I sighed. I moved closer to him, cupping his face in my hand, smiling as he closed his eyes. "You know I could never hate you. You're really important to me."

"I'm important?" He smiled, referencing the discussion we had before one of my matches.

"So important." I giggled. "And you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I get it. Some things, you'd just rather keep private. I'm sorry for expecting you to tell me everything, that's just not fair to you." I frowned, feeling a bit guilty.

"It's okay, I mean, I did promise you." He opened his eyes.

"It was a stupid promise, I should have never suggested it. I didn't mean to invade, but that's what I did." I sighed. "I'm sorry if that makes me a bad friend. Maybe..." My voice wavered as I felt myself tearing up. "Maybe you should just drop me. Stop being my friend? I'm constantly prying, and there's no way that it's good for you. I don't wanna hurt you, but I seem to be doing it accidentally!" Tears rolled down my cheek and onto the fuzzy sheets, making me feel pathetic and alone, despite the fact Killua was sitting right next to me.

"Hey, hey, hey!" He frowned, coming closer and pulling me into a hug. "None of that stuff is true. I want you around! You're not a bad friend, you're a great friend. And sometimes, I need you to pry. Sometimes it really helps. Also, that wasn't a stupid promise, it made sense."

"It did?" I sniffled.

"Mhm. Listen, neither of us knows what we're doing here. We've never had friends before. We just gotta figure it out together. And because of that, we have to make sure that we're open when it comes to communication, so that promise made sense. At least, the intention did. What made you feel like you're a bad friend?" He held the back of my head, whispering in my ear softly.

"I just...I haven't been there for you as much! And...And I feel like you've been growing a bit distant. I don't know if it's something I did, or, or if it was something Illumi said, but I've been so scared that it's because of me and that you're leaving me again." I wept, my tears wetting his overshirt.

"Leaving you?" He gasped. "No, no! Please don't think like that. I wouldn't do that to you again! I'm sorry." He began to cry too. "I've been such a bad friend for making you think of all that. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't apologize, Killua! I...I must've been thinking too much into it, I'm sorry." I wiped away his tears. "Don't you ever think that leaving was ever your fault, okay? Don't feel guilty for something you couldn't control!"

"Take your own advice here, you moron!" He chuckled, a few tears straying from his eyes. "I'll try and be less...away. Is it just physical affection or...?"

"Yeah, just that." I laughed, wiping away my own tears.

"Sorry, I've just been thinking about a lot. I'm gonna try to hold you more." He promised, extending his pinkie. I interlocked it with mine, making a pinkie promise.

"Seal it with a kiss!" I laughed, smashing our thumbs together.

"Where'd you learn that from?" Killua chuckled.

"Gon. He said that he and his Aunt Mito would do it a lot." I replied, staring at the couch where the boy was sleeping soundly.

"Speaking of Gon, how in the world is he not awake?" He exclaimed.

"Magic." I sighed, a crooked smile appearing on my face.