Soulmates

Vicious Cycle

Weeks go by. Three to be exact. After a failed attempt of literally knocking The Winter Soldier out of Bucky, weeks of research and Steve trying to reach out to the Bucky trapped in Hydra's mind cage, which led to The Winter Soldier injuring Steve, you decided it was your turn to try.

Loki was on the Raft. And he would never get out. In an underwater prison so deep, nobody would even survive trying to escape without bringing it to the surface first. Which was impossible unless you were on the outside.

The past three weeks you haven't slept alone. You have nightmares every night. Always the same. You need to save him. And every night Steve holds you and comforts you until you fall back asleep. Until you were awaken by the next nightmare or the sun. Whichever came first. It was a vicious cycle. Your most recent one was the worst but it also led to a realization...

*

"Please," You plead in your sleep. "Please let me help him. Let me save him. I need him. He doesn't deserve this." You whimper and toss and turn in the bed. Steve wakes up when you jerk yourself out of his arms unintentionally as you try to fight the nightmare.

"He's scared." You cry out. "Please let me save him. He needs us. He isn't a bad person." You fight the voices in your head telling you otherwise. Steve sits up and  shakes you gently. "Sweetheart?" Nothing. "Y/n, hun, it's just a nightmare. Wake up." He whispers.

It does nothing to wake you up. He shakes you a little harder trying not to hurt you. "Y/n wake up please." You finally start to wake up. At this point you're crying, half conscious and half stuck in this devastating  unconsciousness. "Please. He's scared. I need to find a way."

You cry and pull away from Steve not realizing where you are at the moment. He pulls you back against his chest. Fighting against your resistance, knowing this is what you need. "Shhh, it's me sweetheart. It's Steve. I'm here. It's just a nightmare. I promise you we're going to help him."

You finally come to fully and realize where you are. You pull away slightly and look up at him with tears still streaming down your cheeks. "Steve? I-i'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I keep having the same nightmare, and when I wake up I realize it's not even a dream."

"Shh. Stop it. Right now. You don't need to apologize. I know what you're going through okay? I miss him too and all I wanna do is help him, and you. You both are everything to me. We are going to help him but we can't do it unless you get some sleep and don't stress yourself out like this. Alright?" 

He always knows the right thing to say. The way he's looking at you right now you can tell he means every word. You feel terrible and all you want to do is help Bucky but you can't right now. He's right. You need sleep and stressing is only making it harder to focus and the nightmares worse.

He's looking down at you waiting for a response. One hand wrapped protectively around you as he holds you close to his chest and you sit on his lap. You look up at him but can't manage to say anything. He wipes the tears from your cheeks with his free hand, softly, with a featherlight touch. You lean up and kiss him softly.

The second your lips touch your eyes close. He hesitates for a moment, clearly caught off guard, before he cups your face in his hands and kisses you back. After a moment you pull away and smile softly at him, he returns the soft smile along with a look of amusement. A look that says 'what was that for?'

You bury yourself into his chest and take a few deep breaths as he just holds you, waiting for you to say something, knowing you're going to. "Steve?" You whisper after a moment. "Hmm?" He hums as he draws circles around your back and doesn't let you go.

You know now why both of them are your soulmates. You've never felt this way before, not even about your ex-fiancé. You told him you loved him but you never did. And you didn't realize it until now. You had never felt love before up until Steve and Bucky. This is what love feels like.

"I love you." You whisper and pull back to meet his eyes. "I love you Steve." You repeat, wanting to make eye contact when you say it. He smiles and pulls your lips to his, kissing you softly and passionately. "I love you sweetheart. So much."  He mumbles as he kisses your temple.

After a few moments you lay back down and you lay on his chest, your body rising and falling along with his deep sleepy breaths. "I love Bucky too Steve." You sigh a few moments after getting settled and your voice breaks slightly.

He keeps rubbing your back soothingly and plants a kiss to the top of your head. "I know you do. We'll get him back." You have an idea of how to get Bucky back. You need to get alone with him, close enough to touch him. You need to look him in the eye and tell him how you feel.

Hopefully tonight would be the last night of this vicious cycle of nightmare after nightmare. Because now you knew. You love them. And you knew how to help Bucky, atlas you hoped you did.

*

That was last night, but now, you're in front of the cage they keep the Winter Soldier in. You refuse to call him Bucky. Because it isn't. It's not Bucky. But you were going to get you Bucky back. It took a lot of convincing but you were going to do it.

You watch as Steve gets The Winter Soldier out of the cage and surprisingly he doesn't fight back, probably because he's already thought of a stealthier way to attack and escape. But you weren't going to let that happen. You were going to get him out of this.

He was unrestrained. That was an even bigger fight. You stood before him and he locked eyes with you. His were cold and dark. Steve kisses your temple and whispers in your ear as he leaves. "I'm right behind that window. I see anything that looks like either of you are going to get hurt, I'm calling it. I'm not risking either of you."

You nod and he leaves. Leaving you along with The Winter Soldier. You look him dead in the eyes and stare into the deep black holes that used to be Ocean blue and beautiful. Filled with light and happiness. Now they were nothing but rage and darkness...

This was it. Would the Vicious Cycle be broken?