Fight for it? RESQ - Stray Kids Hyunjin FF (RESQ SAGA PART 2)

79.

"Ay 夜も朝も Ay 君だけ Every day 想ってるよ ," I sang for the nth time. "Still not good enough!"

I had begun recording at ten at night and it was already five in the morning and still hadn't finished. I knew I was being really harsh on myself, but I had to prove I was good enough to be in the group.

My phone then rang and I told the man helping me record to stop for five minutes. He gladly agreed, too tired yet too polite to say anything to me.

"Hello?" I said answering the phone. "Lin?"

"Soojin, where are you?" She asked me. "I just woke up and saw you aren't back yet. I can cover you if you're with Hyunjin."

"No, I'm recording. I'll shower here and all, so I'll see you when you come," I told her.

"Still?!" She exclaimed. "Did you start late or what?"

"At around ten past something I started recording. I've been here ever since," I confessed.

"I'm going there now," she said sternly. "We need to talk, no matter if you want it or not."

"Are you really the youngest?" I asked her. "You sometimes feel like the oldest."

"I don't care," she said. "I'll change and go there. See you in a bit."

After I hung up, I went back inside the recording studio and saw the man helping me record fast asleep on the mixing table. I felt really bad for taking away his rest time so I woke him up to tell him to go.

"You're back already?" He asked stretching.

"Go home and rest," I told him. "I will cover you today for any recordings you have."

"Don't worry, I can just drink a cup of coffee," he reassured me. 

"Just go, please," I said sternly and finally gave in.

Once he left, I looked at all the parts I had recorded and saw I had recorded almost a thousand takes in total. The fact that I hadn't murdered me was surprisingly astounding.

The situation was draining me both mentally and physically. I knew I was being too harsh on myself, but the amount of hate I had been receiving was almost unbearable and the fact that only Hyunjin knew it meant I could only unwind with him and I didn't want to do so. He already had enough that day and my problems weren't anyone's concern. I had to deal with it on my own.

What hurt me most were the comments saying I didn't deserve to debut. It was really hard to train as a rapper in a vocal and dance centred company for five years as I mostly trained on my own. While everyone made friends and trained as teams I mostly only had solo showcases that no one gave a damn about.

I had even auditioned for other companies as well as JYP and they had accepted me in all of them, so I almost left to YG to train as a rapper and unleash all my potential. I was glad I didn't do so in the end, but I wondered what would have happened if I had done it.

There then was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal Lin who was carrying a plastic bag and a sports bag with her. 

"Did you bring the whole dorm with you?" I asked her chuckling.

"I brought you food and clothes, you could at least thank me," she joked and left the bags on the couch.

We then both sat down and I opened the food bag, picking up one of the few things she had brought as I was starving. She too joined me and we ate in silence for a few minutes until she spoke up.

"Have you at least finished recording everything?" She asked me. 

"I have almost one thousand snippets to choose from although I don't think any of them are perfect," I confessed. "Call Call Call and Realize are driving me insane."

"I was going to be tactful but I think we are somewhat similar so I will ask you directly: what happens Soojin?" She asked. "You have been acting really odd for a long time now. I didn't want to say anything because I hoped you would tell us, or at least Mika, if something was wrong."

"Okay, first of all, I would tell all of you and not just Mika. It's true that I've known her the longest, but that doesn't mean you are less friends with me than her," I told Lin. "And about something happening, it's just a small thing; nothing important."

"I'm young, not stupid," she said. "Please, tell me."

Giving in, I took out my phone and opened the picture I posted the day before on Instagram. I didn't even have to open it as she took my phone and did it herself.

"Not again..." She muttered as she read it all.

"Again? What do you mean?" I asked her confused. 

"When I was in Idol Producer I got a lot of hate comments too. They also created a hashtag. 'Get Lin out of Idol Producer' I believe it was. Something like that."

"And what did you do?"

"I too became overly perfectionist and starved myself until I collapsed," she confessed. "I then had to tell Zhang Yixing, Lay from EXO, about it and he advised me to just ignore it and focus on the people who support me. I think he also told the program and took care of it."

"But how can I ignore it when more than half of the comments say that?" I asked her.

"It's hard, but you have to do it," she told me. "I can call Jackson to ask him about how to deal with this. Maybe he knows what to do exactly."

"Are you sure you are a year younger than me?" I asked her chuckling. "Thank you, Lin. I truly mean it."

"I'm glad I was able to help," she said with a smile before leaving to call Jackson.