Run to You

Chapter 53: Then There Was You

I walk around the store looking around. I find a section with condoms and loads of different lubes, then I see the pregnancy tests. I stare at them and lower my eyebrows. Which one should I get? I didnt realise there were different ones. Some people walk past me and I clear my throat looking away from the tests, feeling a bit embarrassed.

I look around and sigh, not wanting anyone to see me. I grab one of the pregnancy tests quickly, not caring which one I pick. I just want to get out of this aisle. I feel like people are judging me.

Now I've just gotta pay for this thing, but all I've got is this test. Maybe I should buy some other things so it's not so awkward.

I grab a bottle of coke, a bar of chocolate and some gum. I walk over to the checkout and the lady smiles at me. I show half a smile and put my items down.

"Hi." She smiles and starts scanning my stuff.

"Hi." I smile back and then keep glancing down at the pregnancy test.

I watch her scan the pregnancy test last. She looks at it and then glances at me, before tapping on her screen. I quickly throw it in my bag as she tells me what I owe her. I take out some change and pay for my items, and get out of there as quickly as I can. I take a deep breath, glad to be out of there and start making my way back to campus.

I didnt go to my lecture today... I'm freaking out because I still haven't come on my period, so I skipped it and came here to get a test instead. I told Dani I didnt wanna face Michael today, so she thinks I stayed home today. I cant tell her I think I'm pregnant. She will go crazy... she can barely act normal around Michael as it is, and the last thing I want is her confronting him about everything. Maybe I could call Jade... but I'd rather her be here, than me cry over the phone.

As I'm walking back to campus so many things are going through my head. I have so many mixed emotions right now... I just dont know what to do or think... I wont know what I'd do if the test is positive. I'd have to tell Michael.. and my parents would find out. They would be so pissed at first. I frown beginning to think I'd be a single mom.

I always imagined I'd be in my own home, in a good job, and married to the perfect husband before I had kids. I've always wanted children... but not like this. I've never wanted to be a single mom. It's such a mess. I'm not sure if I'll be happy or sad if the test is positive... I guess I'll be in shock. Would I keep it? I'm not sure I could go through with an abortion, but I couldn't go through raising a baby alone either.

I start feeling upset and a lump forms in my throat. I wish things were different. I feel so alone going through all of this. I just pray its negative. That's probably the best outcome, but I'm still not bleeding so what else could it be? I think I'm bracing myself for a positive result. I just have a feeling.

I really dont want to be a single mom though. I need to tell Michael... he should know. I miss him so much. I frown as tears roll down my cheeks. I'm so scared. I'm afraid to actually do the test. I'm trying to hold back my tears but now I've started I cant really stop. I've reached campus now and I dont want anyone seeing me cry.

I wipe my eyes and sniff, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat. I notice Jamie and Ryan up ahead. Fuck. I dont want them seeing me... especially Jamie. I haven't apologised to him yet for that night I was really drunk... I've been kind of avoiding him and I know I shouldn't but I just feel terrible. Hes a good person and I'm just a bitch to him. I've also had so much more on my mind... I haven't had a chance to really think about talking to him.

I keep crying but turn around, walking another way to avoid them. I walk through the car park instead. I wipe my eyes and look ahead. I see Michael next to his car with the car door open. I roll my eyes and sigh. I literally can't avoid anyone. I sniff and look down as I continue to walk through. I try my best to stop crying. I really cant let him see me like this. I hear his car door shut and I glance over at him. Hes holding some paper work and then looks up. I look away walking a little faster.