Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 117: Love Awakens Part 2 (Nikki-Perry Sixx)

Frankie, my little Frankie.... you look just like me except you have your father's eyes. I hate that I've missed out on so much with you, with your siblings & daddy, but all that matters is THIS moment.

"S-She.... has your eyes, J-Joe.... beautiful...." I murmur, my pain.... Everything that I know will need to come for now on the back burner. I share a look carefully meeting my husband's gaze, my heart breaks at the pain I see...the fear. Most of all I see the sheer love & the relief. "I-I missed out on SO much.... Joe.... b-but it was worth it, it will be OK in time. It hurts, it will." Joe gets ME, carefully kissing me before kissing Frankie's forehead.

"I hear you babe, I hear you.... i was....so lost without you.... but I wasn't gonna stop till you were once again awake in my arms."

Frankie begins to squirm, her tiny hands tugging at my gown, and I watch with astonishment, we all watch now with bated breath as she latches on to a nipple & begins to suckle. I laugh and cry both, careful not to jostle her.

"She stubborn ike ew mommy." Amara exclaims, leaning over more to look at her little sister.

"She knows what she wants & needs." Joe tells her softly, chuckling. Laughing like me through the tears, Josephine I note is looking on, but I am worried because really, she's not saying much. I know that look, I see her pain.... her fear, her fear she will be taken from me.... From us, I will talk to her. She's needed me, so bad.... I can tell.

Joe knows, as he and I share another look.... His sigh heavy & pain filled, soon Frankie is full. And then I hold and feed her brothers: Tony, again Joe has another twin and James.... who seems to be the most stubborn, a combo of Joe and myself. It takes forever to get James full enough for now & finally with help from my beloved Jo-Jo Bear, I hold all three and it's the most beautiful, bitter-sweet moment of my life. Josephine is watching, still watching doing what she can to help, but too she looks shamed. Amara is worried, hell I am.

I need more rest, I can tell....it scares the shit out of me sleeping again, I shouldn't push myself still, but I NEED TO DO THIS. I am needed, I will rest...but first: I am loathe to part with my babies, after spending ample time with them and they do fall asleep & are lovingly placed in a bassinet by Joe. And I only fall in love with him even more with each passing moment......

"I know that look Joe, I need more rest....it scares me shitless, I can see it does you too. But right now, I need to do something before I sleep more. SHE needs me, she has.... this, will hurt.... but please." I whisper, Josephine and Amara are looking after the triplets I see.... although Josephine's shoulders are shaking.

"Nikki, I would never deny you anything.... you're right, and I will be right here with you." Joe whispers tearfully, kissing me before helping me drink more water & I call out to Josephine....

"Honey, come here.... please.... i wanna talk to you, try and help you...."

She only cries harder....

"I...I...fine.... momma...."

"Josephine." Firmly before softening my tone. I blink and she's in bed with me, clinging to me. Yet too she is being careful. "---You don't have to hide how you feel from me EVER. It doesn't matter what I am going through, honey you've been so quiet. Hardly said a word, and I know why.... It's because I've been asleep for so long. It's because you are EXACTLY like me, you fear being taken away from me...from daddy, from everyone. You don't need to be so strong or punish yourself for me, though that's easier said than done. I am scared too, scared to fall asleep again and not being able to wake up. Know this, that I would never willingly leave you or your sisters and brothers nor daddy. You're my world, and I love you so very much. Talk to me, it may not feel like it helps not but someday it WILL."

"It.... its....my fault!! I thought, if I had no sleep, you'd wake up sooner! I just wanted to make you proud mommy! I was in hospital before you woke up.... i scared daddy, I just been so hurt....so hurt and lost. I saw.....saw, daddies parents.....they take me away, I thought.....they come back again.....they came when you almost went to be with the angels forever....they called me bad names, they hurt daddy....and.....and, I thought....if I did all my school work.....then that would help....i finish, I be in 3rd next year.....but, but....." Her words spill out in a painful rush, a release.... like a waterfall breaking through a dam. My blood boils at the thought of Joe's parents, my heart breaks & I feel Joe's arms wrap carefully around us. Amara helping too....

"Oh JOSEPHINE.... listen to me. you DO make me proud; you have from the moment you were born. NONE of this is your fault, I know it feels that way, but it isn't I promise. You take after me in the good ways & the not so good ones....and I bet daddy agrees with me, I love that about you.... because you are YOU and my daughter. You take on too much for one person alone, because you want to take care of everyone else.... You neglect yourself. I know honey what that's like, I wouldn't change a thing about you. As for daddies' parents? Honey, daddy nor would I ever let anyone take you from us again. I hate that you had to go through that and had or must worry about it. I bet money; daddy gave them hell. I bet you defended me and tried to stay right by his side. Your heart was in the right place Josephine, you've got a big one. Hold on to that, I am PROUD that you finished school and you get to skip a grade next year, never doubt that. things I promise, will get better in time. Daddies got us, he's got us all.... just like I have you all. And you do something for me ok?" A little nod, there is relief and more light in her eyes. "Get some sleep, rest, ok? Before you do, think of all the things that you love.... the people you love and know that I will always find my way back to you."

Josephine is absorbing my words, her looking at me with such AWE and she is promising me to talk to me, to her father......and soon, she is asleep in a hospital bed close to me, along with Amara....

"Nikki....as much as I hate it, get some sleep babe. I will see you in your dreams, if you need me, you must call my name. I ain't going anywhere, gonna take care of you, heal you...and our children. And babe? For the record: YOU are MY hero, my lover....my everything. and I am so proud of you Nikki....so fucking proud. You are an amazing mother, beyond amazing....and you are my light, my soul." Joe kisses me, the world disappearing around us & moments later I am asleep & I dream.... i dream of my love, my awakening......my worlds.

I would at last start to heal, it wasn't easy, I can tell you that. Joe was with me every step of the way.... Josephine got better, resting easier after I'd talked to her. Of course, our true healing for our family would begin once I fully recovered.

I would come to learn just how lost Joe was......how hurt, I'd talk to him of everything, and he would do much the same. We had each other, we had our five children and our family.... where you next will find us, me still in the hospital WAKING up and bonding more with Tony, James and Frankie and that for now is where I will leave you....

A/N: More of the reunion with his family from Nikki's POV & more. There will be part 3 to this!!