Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 116: Love Awakens Part 1 (Nikki-Perry Sixx)

The last thing or things I still 'see' or remember.... was Joe. Always Joe, his face drained of color.... a baby, a silent child that I thought was GONE. It killed me, and I heard JOE, screaming for me to stay awake or hold on. Things to this day, some things come thru in waves.... some are murky, some clear as day. I did also 'see' Joe along with my oldest daughters, clinging to one another.... oceans of tears, I saw myself DEAD. Again I 'died' for a second time & if it wasn't for Joe again, I wouldn't be here NOW, nor would any of our children. He saved their lives and mine.... I didn't know just HOW MUCH my husband suffered, that our oldest daughters, especially Josephine, suffered. I didn't know, all the shit that went down with Joe's parents the day I 'died'......nor did I know I slept for WEEKS. Again, things would come thru in waves.... always the tears, my nightmares though were clear, I would I swear hear voices.... I'd feel scared, and then I would feel safe....so safe and loved. I'd hear my Joe, I'd here our children......and what I remember most of all: the day I awakened, reunited with my husband....my oldest children and officially met my youngest for the first time and I remember how loved, how missed and how fought for I was...and as my Jo-Jo Bear always says, 'You'll see.'

Well fine, one LAST thing: I would wake up on what would turn out to be January 25, 1995.

Why the hell do I feel SO heavy?! Why does everything hurt so bad? Why is it HARD to remember....and now, now I HEAR somethings...no someone's.... people, voices......that I SWEAR I know...

"Daddy, I'm sorry.... that I....and... and...." A voice, so like my own.... only more feminine.... JOSEPHINE.... its HER....and, and my family.... what happened?!! Why can't I open my EYES?!

"Honey, you ain't got anything to be sorry for. You needed sleep something fierce, you pushed yourself too hard, too much...too fast yes but.... Remember what I told you and that momma would tell you? You love someone, you love ALL parts of them, even their flaws. It's part of what makes you, you. You're just like your ma." JOE.... JOE....

"Daddy wight sissy...." Amara, Joe's little twin...., "I Weawwy miss mommy though, he sleepy foreva...and babies, are so small...so small...." It seems Amara trails off and I feel myself hurt even more with the effort .... willing ANY part of myself to try and MOVE.... like my eyes and I hear someone.... maybe me, groan and cry and then...then I am SURROUNDED by sandalwood, roses.... safety.... love...Joe, Joe and our children.

Warm guitar roughened hands, caressing my face.... tears, a voice filled with hope...with pain....

"N-Nikki?! Oh honeybee...is....is....it really you? Please.... please don't let me be dreaming.... open your EYES.... please...." Things coming back to me in a rush.... blood, screams.... silence, a baby....my BABIES!!!!

"NIKKI.... please, I know....it HURTS.... YOU'RE scared......the babies are ALIVE.... all three, Frankie...Tony, James.... Amara is here.... Josephine is.... babe, please calm...." A voice that cracks, Joe's voice, "Don't leave me.... please. wake up Nikki, I love you...I love you...." After an eternity, I open my eyes with a groan....in tears, things as blurry as all fucking get out before FINALLY, I SEE: my worlds, my loves. And they look like they've been through SHEER HELL, but I see THEM. I am alive and so are they....

"Joe......k-kids.... babies.... a-alive?" My voice sounds like I haven't used it in forever, like I swallowed a sack of gravel and then I FEEL.... cold water, going down my throat...warm hands, that I love and know so well helping me and then I feel lips upon my own, lips I know by feel alone: Joe......, "I missed you...everyone so much." I whisper, sobbing.

"We missed you too Honeybee....it feels like it's been forever. I've missed you, everything about you. But we are HERE, you are ALIVE, and you are so loved....so loved and to answer your questions, the babies are all alive.... They are getting better by the day, and they know you, they know you, Nikki."

I look at our children, our eldest.... i look at my husband, and I feel I have to say, "None of us would be alive, be here Joe with out you. You saved my life, again. You saved.... Frankie.... Tony, James......our family.... I LOVE you."

"I would save you, save them over and over again babe." Soft, yet fiercely. "Now, the triplets will be here any moment, and, in the meantime, our two precious oldest girls would love to see their ma...." I blink and Josephine & Amara are in bed with me, holding me tightly being careful. Joe is as always making sure to touch some part of me, helping me to hold them as i have no strength at the moment do it or try to on my own. 

"Momma! M-Momma...." Josephine manages to get out, I kiss her and her sister, butterfly kisses repeatedly breathing them in, I have missed them so damn much.

"Mommy, I miss cuddles and ew.... daddy, we make pecial' things an'.... we wuv ew. I be good big Sissy ike Josey an' "Amara looks up at me, and its Joe in female form. And I loved that, God do I love that.

"Daddy hero momma, he hero....and he scared, I been scared so much....so much happened momma, but you like daddy.... you always come back, always with us." Josephine my sweet girl. I see it in her eyes, the fear.... the pain, the pain of losing me.... there is more to all this, I will learn soon enough but for now......my family is all I need, here in this moment forever.

"I will always find my way to you, no matter what or where I am in the world...." I whisper, "And daddy has been my hero since the night we met, he changed my world in an instant and I didn't know it then."

"Always babe.... always...." Once again, he kisses me, and then things happen fast.... shock, nurses checking me, me learning EXACTLY what my body has been thru and then time STOPS when I hear and see THREE, squirming, wailing, and BEAUTIFUL bundles....

And then time starts again, and I can't breath as they get closer and closer......

"Joe.... Joe.... they are wow....so tiny.... but God.... beautiful. and oh, this is my first time meeting them...." I am overwhelmed, but in a good way.... really just emotional.

"I will remember this moment forever Nikki.... Today, all that matters is we are all together. That our children are HERE, and that I wasn't gonna stop till you were back home with US, till you were in my arms and ALL of us.... All of us are right here and we will heal, and so will our babies. My gown is pulled down, Josephine and Amara close by my side and i see Joe take a pink bundle: FRANKIE, its FRANKIE and with his help, now I feel her on my chest...her warmth and I love hearing her.

"She.... she.... oh JOE, we have another clone of me on our hands here...." I murmur, committing every sight...touch and feeling to memory.

"She was the one......" Joe trails off getting choked, "that was first." I get his true message, "Talk to her Nikki."

"Frankie Chiara Perry..." I begin whispering, my voice is still hoarse from not having spoken in while. "—Its mommy, I am your mommy. You were named after who I was, I wanted a fresh start...peace with my old name and that's why I wanted to name you Frankie, its so special. YOU ARE and I would sacrifice anything for you...do anything just like I do for your sisters.... Your brothers, like I always will. Now, open your eyes and you'll see.... that life IS beautiful." Her cries have gradually reduced to fussing, NOW she coos, and she opens her eyes, and I am lost.... i am lost in a GOOD way and time once again stops....

A/N: At last the long awaited awakening!! Nikki is now awake, reuniting with his children and Joe and he is meeting with the triplets for the first time. And there is so much for to come and there will be a part 2 to this and maybe another part after!! So stay tuned for more!