Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 114: A Letter from My Heart Part 3(The phone Call)

It's only grown later.... getting to be middle of the night, again, I THINK. I've just finished looking through our family's scrap book, so many precious memories it contains. It's a beautiful journey, it's bittersweet, it's EVERYTHING and there is a lifetime of more memories to come, memories to be made & to be shared. And how lucky am I? To do such with the one I love beyond reason: my Honeybee, my soul.... Nikki-Perry Sixx & our five children? What fucking HURTS, is Nikki still in his coma.... yet no change, the pain my children are in...that I AM in and again, these bitter-sweet memories.

The scrap book though, helped ground me.... I felt as if Nikki was literally right beside me & really, he is. Still, the tears I feel now come back & I place lovingly the scrap book in its place and now...now the phone rings, startling me....

"Hello?" And my heart drops at the tone of one of the most beautiful voices, MY Nikki's voice in female form: Josephine. And Josephine is crying, and I am so worried about her....

"D-Daddy? I am sorry!! Its.... late & I know I bother you, I needed someone to t-talk to...." She stammers.

"Honey.... Honey, you ain't gotta apologize. Remember what mommy & I have told you? It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, we're here for you. And Josephine? You could NEVER ever bother me. Talk to me sweet bee so daddy can help you." Nikki, oh Nikki......this would break your heart, its breaking mine but still, still I FEEL YOU and right now, her reminding me so much of you.... Every day more and more she takes after you and now, so will Frankie.

"Y-You promise daddy?" She sniffles.

"Always, no lie. I love you....so much, just like I love your sisters, brothers & your ma." I sniffle myself, vainly trying to wipe away my tears & me very much wishing I could wipe away HERS.

"I-I love you too daddy.... I miss you and the babies....and I feel SO sad and scared." Josephine I can tell is getting worked up again, breaking my heart and so I try and calm her and myself....

"I know, I know, and I feel the same way.... but I feel thankful....so very thankful, you know why?" I ask.

"Why daddy?"

"Because, I think as hurt, lost, sad and scared I feel.... that STILL I have your mama, he is still alive, his heart is still mine and he knows how much he is loved and missed. And I thank God for that and for the fact, that he gave me five of the most wonderful children despite the risk." I answer her honestly, but I get the feeling she isn't telling me something, "---Honey, I feel like you're not telling me something. That something IS wrong besides your ma. I promise no matter what it is, I will find a way to make it better."

There is a long pause, silence other than her cries before she replies shakily.... hesitating.

"I can't sleep daddy.... when I did try.... had bad dream about.... your parents...." My blood freezes & boils both and I am ready to go over and get Josephine AND her sister. "---T-they take me away from you & mommy. They try...daddy, I don't want mean people to take me away from you!!" She wails.

"I will NEVER EVER let that happen to you again, I swear to you sweetheart....do you need me to come get you? And your sister, I- I will.... i would do anything for you, you know that." This to me counts as pushing me.... but I feel there is more to it and oh my 'parents' will never EVER get their hands on MINE and NIKKI'S daughter!

"D-Daddy.... you no understand.... I thought saw them, but I didn't tell no one.... cause you already hurting cause momma sleeping still.... are...are you mad at me?" She sobs.

"Honey, I ain't mad at you.... You were scared, you ARE. And yes, I am hurt, but it doesn't matter how hurt I AM, you can always tell me anything and I will protect you." Remember earlier in our tale, the day my 'parents' showed up.... On that day my world nearly ended. Well, I not only did a permanent restraining order BUT I ALSO, made sure my parents served some jail time. I burned those final bridges, but I wish to God.... oh, I wish Josephine hadn't have had to suffer even more during Nikki's coma. It turns out she DID in fact see them, hence the jail time & all.

"I trust you daddy.... I know you will keep me safe & I love you. You need time for you, that is what Uncle Mick & everyone says. T-Talking helps.... you make me f-feel safe."

"I will always do so Josephine, and yeah, I do need time.... but honey, if you say the word, it doesn't matter the time of night or day, I am THERE, ok?" I hear a tearful 'ok'. "----Ya knows what I did. I looked thru our family scrap book your ma keeps Josephine, and I looked thru & remembered US. He and I, our love.... our journey together & those precious memories of us starting our family. I felt.... i felt.... like mommy & I was together, that he was right beside me.... our heart's together." I find myself telling her, hoping it helps.

"Thank you for telling me daddy.... i hear mommy an' you say soul mates."

"Your more than welcome honey and we ARE, it took us a long time to see that but once we did, its like everything fell into place." I tell her seriously, softly, emotionally all at once.

There is another pause....and more sniffles and a huge yawn....

"Josephine, I know it's so hard, but honey try and get some sleep ok?" The pause is longer, worrying me even more so before she replies with....

"Daddy, I have not sleep in forever.... I tried & it didn't work. That's why......" The following blows me away & seriously worries me both. "I got all my schoolwork done & I took test & done with school. I get to be in 3rd grade next year."

I am so damn proud of her, yet it worries me how VERY HARD she's been pushing herself & I would wager she's suffering from severe exhaustion. True I am EXHAUSTED, but her even more so. She's pushed herself because, because I do...I have, and Nikki does much the same. She takes after him and I in that.

"Honey I am very proud of you, for doing so well and 3rd grade is amazing! Momma, well I know he's proud too.... He will be so happy. But honey, I am really worried about you, that's.... that was SO much work & I can tell you are severely exhausted."

"Daddy.... i don't f-feel good...." She whispers.... That does it, I am going to get her. I quickly tell her, I am coming despite her attempts at protesting and about the time I do that, it seems as if Mick catches her......, "C-Come get....me.... please...."

"Joe?  Its Mick, hurry...." And the line goes dead, I don't hesitate.... quickly grabbing my keys, jacket and everything I need and race, thankfully not getting caught to Brad & Mick's arriving in record time, to find that Josephine is barely conscious & had made herself sick & I scoop her up into my arm's, checking her over...., "I tried to get her, we did to go to sleep. I think it's really the fact that.... She's taking all this much harder than we thought. Now GO."

I mutter a quick 'thank you' & race carefully to the hospital.... where Nikki is, where he is still sleeping & my heart is so damn heavy....so damn heavy.... but I race there with my oldest daughter, Amara still safe with Brad & Mick....

If you happen to be wondering Josephine was or would be treated for severe exhaustion & would be asleep for a FEW DAYS. God, that fucking killed me.... I felt like it was my fault, even though I did everything I could to take care of her. Mick did everything he could to try and get her to sleep.... we all did. I will tell you; she would turn out ok.... given something at the hospital to make her get some MUCH-needed sleep & she would feel physically better. Mentally was another story, was much harder.... she would be awake before Nikki at last woke up & our whole family was truly reunited. And she would be placed in the same room as Nikki, them sharing......i left no room for argument, and really in the end or rather I should say it did help both my husband and our oldest daughter.

I will leave you with this: where you next find me & our family though would be when Josephine was still in her healing sleep....

A/N: Tender moments, bitter-sweet, scary ones.... I promise soon things will get better or start to for the Perry family.