Author: IslandApricot
Plot:
This is going to be the same as what I say below for characters. I honestly cannot make heads or tails of what is going on in this story, which, makes it so that the plot is hidden under all of it and I can't exactly find it.
2/5
Grammar:
There are a few grammar mistakes here and there but not the worst that I have ever come across in my life.
3/5
Descriptions:
You didn't have any true descriptions. These are so important to have! They really ground your reader and allow them to get more involved in the story, as it helps them visualize everything a little more.
2/5
Characters:
I was really too confused as to what was happening in the story to really pick up on much of the characters. I don't think that there really is much in there that goes with personality.
2/5
Anything Else I Want To Take Points Off For:
In the very beginning you don't set the scene. I have nothing to go off of, and it leaves me confused as to what is going on at first. I think it would be a lot more attention grabbing and effective if you described a little, or set the scene a bit. You don't need to write a whole paragraph about where they are, but anything is better than nothing. And even as it goes on I have no idea what the hell is happening? I'm super confused about it. At first I thought it was a police protest, but then you were talking about someone having a head, and then someone killed Zahir. It's all super confusing.
Still even as it goes on I have no idea what is happening and I am so damn confused!!!!! I really don't know what to make of anything, how it is written doesn't make sense to me.
1/5
Overall:
See above.
I really think that you should possibly revise, or edit this story to make it a bit more clear to the reader what is going on.
Final Score:
10/25
(If you have any serious questions or want tips please feel free to PM me. I would be glad to help you!)
