Author: Rhittee (Jaiyanakeenum37)
Hold onto your panties, this isn't going to be pleasant for you.
Seriously. Take a deep breath and a moment to clear your mind.
Grit your teeth and bear it.
You'll probably make it through fine.
Plot:
The plot obviously revolves around the characters and their life I do believe? Which whatever, that's super exciting. In the first chapter there isn't much in the way of plot, besides those letters and the drama (and my own confusion) that ensues. Because I feel a little bad about how harsh this review is going to be I'm going to be nice and give you some points here and pretend like the plot is going to be top-notch.
3/5
Grammar:
YIKES!
Your grammar isn't the worst in the world, but holy mistakes. There are a lot, and some that make it almost impossible to understand what is going on in the story. Through your writing, you sound young? As in you're 12-13? If I'm wrong then...sorry. I'm not going to go through and correct things for you as this is a review, but I HIGHLY suggest looking over your work and editing it. Seriously, you need to.
Also...dialogue grammar is a thing that you do not have.
Here is a super quick guide, but you need to research this if you plan on writing and gaining a following of loyal readers. Or at the very least to keep from making people feel anger.
Incorrect: "Come over here." He said.
Correct: "Come over here," he said.
Incorrect: "Come over here!" He shouted
Correct: "Come over here!" he shouted
Incorrect: "Come over here!" he waved
Correct: "Come over here!" He waved
1/5
Descriptions:
There weren't any? Like at all. Just like small words to describe the gushing of tears and other little things like that. You need more descriptions, and actual descriptions at that. Describe the room, what they're wearing, what the temperature is, anything is better then what you have. If you want an example feel free to ask.
1/5
Characters:
Ashlinn Adlee Miller
Braylee Lilith Jennessey
Kellie Alissa Violet
I hate them. There is nothing to them. They aren't anywhere close to realistic in anyway. They come across as whiny, and way too dramatic, like above reality TV show type dramatic. There isn't anything interesting or appealing about them as characters that makes me interested, or even care about them, at all. Also, what is with these names? They're crazy...I'm not even going to go there. These characters are so flat, I can't even imagine what you would do with them, as they really don't bring anything to the story.
0/5
Other Things I Hate:
"Anyway, who cares if I, Kellie Alissa Violet, can't be myself? Why do people have to be such judgemental? What's wrong with any of them? So, why should I suffer when I could be happy with my friends? I know, I'm sounding beyond repetitive, but people need to understand me, otherwise it'll be way too late."
*violent headdesking*
Listen, all the errors aside this is enough to make me stop reading and delete wattpad. First off it isn't clear what you are trying to say, at all. There is no context leading up to this, just bam, suddenly our narrator/main character is introduced, and she's complaining about something that makes no sense. What does this have to do with anything?????????? ANYTHING!!!!!!!
The voice that this story is written in, and the way that it is written in is not my favorite style. It is actually my least favorite. There isn't much actual story telling and what is there doesn't seem to work well. It's all over the place and doesn't really make much sense to begin with. And really this story needs a lot of work.
0/5
Overall:
This story needs work, and a lot of it. You have so many things to work on, and improve, meaning that you can only go up from here. Just because this isn't the best doesn't mean you suck at writing and should quit. I just think that you need to practice and read books. Reading books will help a lot, think of it as research for your writing. You seeing their styles and what you like and don't like about it, then you can take what you find and bring it to your own works. If you want help feel free to DM me, or just ask on here, I will be glad to assist you to the best of my abilities.
Final Score:
5/25
