Author: TheOwlWrites
Plot:
Yes! This is what I am talking about! There is plenty of action, it is well paced and kept me involved. I don't really know what is going to happen yet, and it is more on the unique side of things as far as books go. I don't really have any complaints as far as the plot goes. I want to add that I really like how you introduce the Deus, you wait long enough that it isn't a sudden overload for the reader, but you also don't want too long.
5/5
Grammar:
Your grammar isn't the best. There are issues with sentences that go on way too long with commas just thrown in there. I do it all the time, and it is a lot of work to go through and fix those sentences, but I do think that you should look into it.
Now, your dialogue grammar isn't correct. Below are some examples:
Incorrect: "Hey loser." He said
Correct: "Hey loser," he said.
Correct: "Hey loser," Candance said.
Incorrect: "How are you today?" He proclaimed.
Correct: "How are you today?" he proclaimed.
Incorrect: "Bye." she strutted away.
Correct: "Bye." She strutted away.
This really isn't a perfect guide at all, but I hope it helps you a little bit, I do suggest reading about proper dialogue grammar though.
3/5
Descriptions:
You don't have a ton. As in you don't go off on tangents describing everything around, or the small ant crawling on the floor. You're straight to the point and do enough to get the job done, which I appreciate. However, I do love descriptions, so I'm going to knock you a point, because I want more. Though, still, you really don't need more and what you have is perfectly sufficient, I just like to be difficult.
4/5
Characters:
You sold me on the main character, she is someone that I can get behind and truly feels real. At this point in the story we may not know a whole lot about her back story wise, but it isn't a bad thing. She seems to possibly have a background to support her which is always good, but as the book develops it will be more obvious.
Now, on the other hand, I can't stand Toby. His character isn't one that I find interesting at all. This is mainly because he comes off as childish and more on the fictional side of things, which turns me off of him. There's just something off about in the way his character is that doesn't mesh well with the story. So, for me his chapters were just ugh.
3/5
Other Things I Want To Take Points Off For:
Not really. So here's five free points to your score!
5/5
Overall:
I really did enjoy reading this book. Like always there are things for you to fix but at the moment it really is a joy to read. I hope it continues on a good path and blossoms into something truly wonderful!
Final Score:
20/25
