Author: Mou-san
Plot:
It's fast paced and unique. What more can I ask? I really like this, even though the story could use some polishing, you do keep me very interested. Mainly because of the main character, but still, you're on to something.
4/5
Grammar:
Your grammar isn't terrible, and I'm pretty sure that you understand the basics of it. I just feel like you haven't edited the prologue or the first chapter yet. Just because there are mistakes there that aren't consistent and little goofy things. So, it does need an edit, but not super crazy as for the most part you have decent grammar.
3/5
Descriptions:
Your descriptions were the basic, bare minimum type, which there isn't a real problem with. I feel like you probably could do more, and get creative with it. However, at the same time, it is your writing style, so don't go too crazy. I do suggest maybe describing the world around the character a little more, so that the reader can get a better feel for what is happening.
3/5
Characters:
I like the main character. He's crazy and all the over the place. He's not hard to read about even though at times he does get a little annoying. But still, you have brought him to life which I find is hard for some people to do. I don't have a ton to say about him or any of the other characters.
4/5
Anything Else I Don't Like:
Paragraph length-your paragraphs are too short, you need a couple more sentences to them. That will beef up your story and make it flow so much better. (Applicable to the prologue only)
At times the main character and all of his little crazies do get to be a little annoying, but not too much. I'm also easy to annoy, but still, I'm taking points off for it, because I'm evil.
3/5
Overall:
I like this story. It's crazy and unique, though still on the rough side of things. I really appreciate it, like seriously.
Final Score:
17/25
