Author: WnzllCrl04
Okay, I was going to comment on your actual story like I do with all critiques, however, I get the feeling that you're young, and I don't want to plaster the negative comments on your story. So, instead I'm going to tell you what you need to change, and what you can do better here. I hope you read this as it is to make you become a better writer.
Prologue
"Will this place do?" My father asked sternly to his friend who was an archaeologist.
The problem with starting out a book with dialogue is that you're throwing the reader in with no real context. There nothing for me to hold onto so that I can understand what is happening and where they are and what they're doing. It makes for a confused audience and can come across as a novice writer mistake.
Next: My father asked should instead be my father asked, in a stern tone. Now this is only correcting your dialogue grammar and I'll elaborate for you. When using punctuation with dialogue it all depends on the circumstances around it.
Examples:
Incorrect: "Hey dude." He said.
Correct: "Hey dude," he said.
Incorrect: "Jokes on you!" i shouted.
Correct: "Jokes on you," I shouted.
Incorrect: "Come here," she waved.
Correct: "Come here." She waved.
This isn't a perfect guide but it is good enough to get you by with the bare minimum.
The next order of business is the sentence itself. Now if you read it over it sounds blocky and doesn't make much sense in the way that it is written. I'm going to be honest, I don't know how to fix it, and I don't think you should. I want to help you, and to help you I think that you should start your story out differently and with more context, and descriptions. You should describe where they are and what they are doing, and maybe introduce the father's friend before throwing it into the story in the very first paragraph.
"Mhmm... No one will see it here. It's better to be away from every single resident in this village," His friend said in a very serious tone "Whatever treasure this thing has, Its worth a lot,"
Alrighty, so there are more grammatical issues in this one than the last one. But, I'm not going to fix them for you. If you want help, ask. I am going to talk about the confusion that this paragraph brings, and more so then the last one. There is even less to go off of here, and it is even more important to make sense of the words that are being said. Does anyone have names? Who is "he"? You still haven't painted a picture for the readers yet. There has been no mention of where they are or what they're doing there. Nothing. At least you mentioned the treasure, but writing is about more than dialogue, there has to be story telling as well.
Not later I saw someone smiled to me behind them. A joker smile? What was it doing here with me?
I really, really tried to make sense of this, but I can't. I think you're trying to say that there is someone behind the narrator and they smiled at them? I don't know. I think you might benefit with finding a writing partner. This can be a writing friend you make that will help you with different grammatical things and making your stories better. You can bounce ideas off of them and really they're vital. Really, besides the grammar the biggest thing is the lack of description and context, I'm still so confused as to what is happening. You should try something like this:
The cave hadn't been our first choice that night, but if it wasn't for the howling of the wind and Robert's complaining, we would have found a better place to store our treasure. But, beggars can't be choosers, so we begin to dig. Because as every green treasure hunter knows you have to bury what you find. I'm sure it's in the rule book somewhere. And, by the same rule I stand off to the edge and watch, my arms crossing over my chest, while Robert digs.
As you can see here I used a lot of imagery and even through in some character traits for the heck of it. I don't use any dialogue, and am just telling a story, which isn't a bad thing. It's just a useful way to tell your story and involve your readers.
The final paragraph of this chapter: I don't need to care and wonder about this or many weird things, all I want is to win this year.
This is another sentence that doesn't make much sense, it reads in a confusing manner, and I don't understand how the last two paragraphs connect to the ones before it. I really think that you should read through and rewrite/add a lot more to this, and clarify what you mean.
I hoped I've helped you with this, and if you have any questions feel free to ask!
