Author: random_entity5665
Plot:
I didn't read past the prologue because by the end I lost steam and didn't really feel like going on. However, I think the way you start it out is interesting enough to grab the reader's attention and make them wonder what is going to happen next, which is what you really want to do when writing a story. Just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it is horrible, because I don't think it's bad at all.
4/5
Grammar:
I'm going to assume that you are from Europe (I'm sorry if I'm off or wrong) but just by the way you spelled some of the things it makes the most sense to me.
But besides that there were a couple of mistakes that I saw floating around, but I also wasn't looking super hard so there would probably be more. But, from what I can remember there wasn't anything that was overly offensive.
Also, you need to read through and work on some of your sentences, you have a few thrown in that ruin everything that you've crafted and are just rough or difficult to read.
3/5
Descriptions:
I like your descriptions. They aren't bad at all, and I like the style that you use because it's easy to read and gets the point across well without making me roll my eyes. I don't really have anything else to say
4/5
Characters:
I just get the feeling that you know how to write a character and how they act and personality wise. Don't ask me how I think this because I didn't read very far into the book, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I think it's your writing style, because though it may not be perfect you write like you know what you're doing.
3/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
For your prologue the very first thing you have is "Prologue" I suggest removing it. The chapter title is already at the top, I think having it again is a bit much. In my eyes it looks unprofessional but whatever.
"broken glass crunching between my boots" I think underneath would be better than between, seems how that makes more sense.
"threatening to envelope me in its suffocating clouds" technically there is nothing wrong with this, however, I feel like clouds is such a lame thing to say. You have this decent description going and then bam you throw in clouds. I don't know why it bothers me but it just seems so lazy when you could use another word that illustrates the suffocation portion better and makes it sound more dramatic and overall more eventful.
"My eyes slowly evaporated in their eye sockets with the unbearable heat and stinging smoke obscuring my vision down to tiny slits." XD I thought you meant literally evaporating the first time I read this and I actually googled "Can your eyes evaporate?" I didn't get any answers to that, but anyways I think you mean that the character's eyes get super dried out, but I don't think that is very apparent, I read it in the extremely literal sense and I'm sure other people will as well.
I don't know how I feel about this prologue either, I like how it is written, but at the same time there is something that holds me back. I think it has to do with how intense the prologue is, when generally I don't like prologues that are set in the same time frame that the first chapter is. Because then it takes what the prologue really should be and turns it into just another chapter and this one falls into that category. In my eyes I like prologues that hold "secret" or important information that are set before the story actually starts and gives the reader some valuable information to put to use later in the story. I personally don't get the point of the first chapter being a literal continuation of the prologue because in my mind that's not how they should work. Though, that doesn't mean they can't work that way, just in my mind that doesn't make sense at all. Which is really my biggest issue with your book. I think you should make the prologue chapter one, and then title chapter one as chapter two. That way it is more straightforward.
3/5
Overall:
You are a good writer, or at least I think you are from what I did read. And just because I got bored doesn't make this a bad book at all, because I'm positive my boredom was more me and my short attention span than you and your book. So, good job!
Final Score:
17/25
