Author: MilejdyVan
Plot:
I assume this book is about 17 different characters, which if you ask me sounds actually insane and like an idea that won't end well. Well, actually some people will love it but I already know that it won't work for me. There is no way in hell that you can successfully have 17 MC's and have each one developed on their own without info dumping and anything else that eventual laziness will cause
Don't confuse that with me bashing your idea, it is unique and you can do whatever you please. But to me, right off the bat before I even read the book it is turning me off.
So this is also about people with "Spirit" and they have abilities, so on and so forth. And that could be interesting or it could be basic.
3/5
Grammar:
There are a few hiccups here and there and in general there are a lot of sentences that don't read correctly. Where they are jagged or hard to understand. Though in general it's just the easy fix kind of stuff.
3/5
Descriptions:
I didn't read enough into your story to come across any.
2/5
Characters:
I didn't read enough into your story to come across any.
2/5
What I Hated/Thoughts:
Get rid of the bold for the prologue, it is just straight up obnoxious and an instant turn off. It makes me want to vomit and throw the book away.
I like the idea that you pose here, however, at the same time I don't like it. The way that this is phrased and written comes off as super confusing to me, probably because I'm having a hard time understanding the way that it is written. Also, I understand that this is important information, but it feels kind of info dumpy to me and that is another turn off. I think my main issue is actually "Spirit" it just sounds weird, the name doesn't work for me and in each of the sentences that it is in it sounds awkward.
Now it's dialogue?
You already had me lost with the ragged nature of your sentences and then you're going to cut off mid info dump and throw in some conversation with nothing leading up to it? I need to be grounded and to know what is happening, not thrown into the ocean and told to swim. Also the dialogue doesn't read like someone speaking, it sounds like a continuation of the writing before just italics and with quotation marks. I'm just overall confused and annoyed. Nothing that I have read makes me want to read the rest of the book and I don't think that I will.
I started to read the introduction...no...just no. You committed one of my all time least favorite things in the world... "My name is..." *muffled screaming*
*runs away*
Rarely does anything good come out of My name is. I assume that you are introducing this teacher character, but generally that is not the way that you should go about it. Characters should be introduced over a period of time and the reader is supposed to be able to make connections and piece together things about the character. This is something that I will not keep reading, and that's it. I don't have anything else for you. This is not my kind of book at all, and it is written in a way that will give me stomach ulcers.
1/5
Overall:
This story and your writing style aren't for me. I don't have the will power to read any further, but I'm sure there are other people that don't have any issue reading it.
Final Score:
11/25
