Author: guesswhojustt
Plot:
From what the summary said this appears to be a story about teenagers finding their way, by breaking stereotypes and taking control of their lives. If that is the case it makes me wonder what it has to do with the title? As from the title and cover alone I thought that it had to do with someone being kidnapped, or trapped in some way psychically. But, the teenagers fingding their way, if that is all that this story is about, generally ends up falling as a sub-plot in a majority of teen fiction novels. The fact that you are making that the main stage, makes me wonder a bit about how it is going to play out throughout the course of the story. Either way the beginning doesn't give away too much to that, which is fine. I just find myself wanting more, it comes across as bland and just another teen fiction story.
3/5
Grammar:
In the first paragraph you start out with, it is only a sentence long, then the second is another single sentence, and finally the third paragraph is also a single sentence. And for comparison the fourth paragraph is two sentences. I'm going to start with the main issue, which is sentence length (my issue with the paragraphs will be below). You need to cut them up, it will help the flow of your story and allow your reader a chance to chill out. For example the third paragraph:
It was a Friday, which is reason enough for me to wish to stay in bed already, but worse yet was that it was the beginning of the second month of school-which meant I still wasn't used to having to deal with people every day.
Corrected: It was Friday, generally reason enough for me to want to stay in bed longer. However, even worse, it was only the second month of school-and I had yet to adapt to the early mornings.
Dialogue grammar!!!! There are times when you seem to have it down, and then others when you don't. So look into making that consistent.
There are other little mistakes scattered throughout, but they're the kind that require editing.
3/5
Description:
There really aren't any at all. Just a couple scattered about, but there aren't any true, true, descriptions that let me into the story. What you have is mainly surface deep, just a gentle skimming that doesn't go any further. These are something that you really need to work on and try and cooperate into your story. As descriptions really allow the reader to become more involved in your story.
2/5
Characters:
Your characters are not ones that stand out in any way. I can see that you have attempted to make them unique, however, it doesn't come across like that. They are simple, with very generic, type traits that seem familiar to me seems how I see them everywhere. You don't have much in the way of character background that leads to a character that will be perfectly fleshed out and developed by the end of the story. It's all just surface deep.
2/5
Anything Else I Want To Take Points Off For:
I really can't stand the period at the end of the title. It's something that for me to look at makes me feel mild aggression. Honestly, I would just skim past this book because of that period, I know it sounds dramatic, but that's how I role.
I appreciate the fact that you included the names of the characters to show when the POV changes. But, another thing I can't stand is when the POV changes multiple times in a single chapter, where it doesn't exactly help out the plot in the way that third person does, as this is written in first person.
Your paragraphs are very short at times, like the beginning of the first chapter, which I mentioned up above. Try to lengthen them out, and put more into your story, as in generally it's very meager without much to it.
There were also issues with flow sprinkled through the chapter, as it was choppy and with some words that made sentences buliker then need be. Mainly they were issues that editing should be able to fix.
1/5
Overall:
This is a book that needs some work. However, you do have a skeleton of an idea that you can really fill out and develop to make a better book. I suggest that you edit this book heavily and immpliment that things that I mentioned above.
Final Score:
11/25
