Author: SaintIves__
Plot:
It's simple and not overly creative (at least that's what I assume), which there isn't any true issue with that. I just feel if you went through and edited your writing so that it flows together better without being so choppy the plot might shine through better, as will everything else. I can't really think of much to say, though I guess you have decent enough pacing.
2/5
Grammar:
It's not terrible, but it's not good either. There are places where you need commas and don't have any, and times where you have too many. However, none of your issues are major crimes, so just a simple edit will work wonders for you.
Grammar dialogue!! Short and kind of shitty lesson below:
Incorrect: "Yo, hoe." He said
Correct: "Yo, hoe," he said
Incorrect: "Hey loser!" He shouted
Correct: "Hey loser!" he shouted
Incorrect: "Later," she waved
Correct: "Later." She waved
(Please research this though, I suck at dialogue grammar, and I'm sure the internet can help you out a little more than I can.)
3/5
Descriptions:
You don't have very many, a couple that get you by, but I want more. I want to see what the character is seeing. It makes the book more involving and keeps the reader's attention better. A little bit more can go a long way.
2/5
Characters:
Meh. The main character is fine. She's not offensive, and has a little bit of a personality, but she's still pretty dull. There really isn't any life in her charcter that makes me interested in her. She seems like just another female character that I've seen so many times before. It's not even that she doesn't have a background, which I think she does, just how you write her. Give her more life, and you'll have something.
2/5
Anything Else I Don't Like:
"MEMORIES BRING THE..."
No. Don't do that, it's way too much, I don't like being shouted at right off of the bat. If you want to be fancy, bold only the first word, but no crazy all caps for three words. Or, if you want to make me happy, don't do anything fancy.
No to the indented paragraphs as well, it's annoying to read, and distracting as most books on wattpad don't have that.
Your writing doesn't flow. You aren't telling a story, simply stringing words together that are blocky and don't slide together to make a beautiful thing. You need to read over it, and work on getting your words to work together instead of fighting each other. Your book would be so much better if you fix this issue.
1/5
Overall:
I know the scores seem bad, but they are all related to the same main issue, the flow of your story. If you fix that, everything else will fall into place a bit better, so don't get discouraged :)
Final Score:
10/25
