Author: bremcfarland
Plot:
The plot is interesting and I kind of like it. It doesn't seem super boring, or basic or something that's been done a bunch of times. You also managed to somewhat pull off the dead friend thing, which I appreciate as well.
3/5
Grammar:
I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, at least not many that I can think of at the moment. I think there might've been a couple, but I can't think of the specifics so it is what it is.
4/5
Descriptions:
There weren't any, at least not really. And I guess with how you've decided to set up the story it would be weird if you had more. But still, I think you would've been able to work some in. And that would've totally made it better.
3/5
Characters:
*shrugs* whatever. They exist, and the MC isn't the worst one that I've read in my entire life but there is a lot of room for improvement. She's a bit stale as far a character traits goes. How she's written makes her seem bland. Now, I don't mean this as in jumping up and down or ranting and raving. But you don't have any extra little tidbits to help show her character. Those little things are super important when it comes to hooking readers.
3/5
What I Hated:
The for a twelve year old you're pretty smart comment that the MC makes. It seems really weird and off. Just because it sounds like something someone would say about a five year old or just a younger kid. *shrugs* I don't know it just seems like a weird thing to say.
The only other issue that I had was your writing style. I'm not a fan of choppy sentences that don't really flow. I like constant flowing like a stream with of course some branches and rocks thrown in to break things up a bit. But yours didn't even flow together for very long. Just in fleeting wisps. Which if that's what you're going for then whatever you do you. But idk it's just not my favorite kind of writing. And in my eyes and really detracted from your story.
3/5
Overall:
This is an interesting idea, and my biggest complaint is the writing style. You have a good start though!
Final Score:
16/25
