Author: Jebet_
Plot:
At first I didn't ever think that this was in the current world XD
The way you described the prison and everything else made it sound like it wouldn't be present day, either in some messed up place or idk anything other than what I believe to be present day. I feel like you already gave away the whole mystery to your story. You made the readers wonder why she was in prison and what was going on. Then, you dumped a big reveal on us about how this chick faked her death and that Swan wasn't supposed to go to jail. And on and on. It was a let down. You told your story in such a short frame of time and it doesn't seem like there's anything left. The true goal with anything like this is to drag it out, like the guesses drag on and torture your readers. Just dropping it all in the first chapter just isn't good.
1/5
Grammar:
Frankly, I didn't pay much attention because I was trying to figure out was going on. I did notice quite a few mistakes, but I wasn't on the hunt for them. So, there might be more, who knows. But, grammar isn't the biggest problem with this story so whatever.
3/5
Description:
You describe things! Yay! But... some of them don't make sense in the context of the story, while others do. It's a bit hit and miss, so idk what to say about it. I do really commend you for actually describing things though!
3/5
Characters:
No.
There's just so much to wade through and the characters are bland and boring and their dialogue doesn't sound like anything a normal human would say, ever. There isn't much in the way of personality shown, and it's just ehhhhhh
You need to work on really bringing your characters to life and showing their personality and just making them seem like a normal human.
2/5
What I Hated:
Listen, I don't usually comment on book covers, because I don't care about them too much. But, I'm sorry yours is awful. I really think you would be better off finding some stock photo that is clear and slapping on some text, compared to what you have. It's super grainy and doesn't bode well for what is going to be inside. And honestly, it isn't that hard at all. You just look up free photo editing places if you want or whatever and then get your photo throw on the text and you're already better off.
Roasting rats?
"Amka wewe" and "Hapana" what language is this? Or are these names? I'm confused.
I didn't read all of the first chapter because it was just too boring and there was too much to read through and I couldn't do it. I was so bored and just disinterested. I did try though.
Your writing style is interesting. It's like you're trying to write in a fancy whimsical way, but it's kinda falling apart at the same time? I don't know, but it was hard to read and there were a lot of words that were just added fluff kind of.
Unrealistic dialogue.
2/5
Overall:
This book needs some work, but it wasn't the worst thing that I have ever read.
Final Score:
11/25
