Author: porxtal
I'm going to just going to summarize what I saw in your book for the critique.
Right away something that I want to mention is that ellipses should not be used as often as you use them. Yes, some writers have styles where they use them more often, but, I really think you use them way too much. I know I made this clear in my comments, but I just need to make sure I get it across.
Another thing is that you really, really, really, need to do is edit your chapter. For starters it was way too long for being on wattpad, and I physically couldn't read through all of it. And then, the grammar mistakes and awkward sentences on top of that made it too much. I know it's a pain in the ass to read through and edit a chapter before you update but I highly suggest it. The amount of mistakes in that were so distracting and made it hard for me to follow the actual plot. That's a huge issue when it comes to readers reading, and sticking with your book.
I really think you should take your time and edit. I know I just said that, but I'm going to say it again. There are a lot of things that you need to work on when it comes to your writing, and you need to start somewhere. I feel like a good place to start would be your grammar and sentence structure. To me that is the foundation that you need to lay before you can progress in your writing. Or if that doesn't seem appealing to you, you can start elsewhere and focus on the more direct components on story telling like plot and world/character building. Every component is important when it comes to writing, but it's up to you to pick one and work on developing that skill.
I don't mean any of this to be discouraging, I want you to develop and succeed as an author. You have good ideas when it comes to your books and you're clearly creative, you just need to shape up other areas to really press your stories forward. If you want any help or have questions feel free to message me.
