Author: Carikavanlog
Plot:
The plot is a thing that happens. It's meh and it's there. I personally don't find it very interesting. In the first chapter there is nothing that really grips my attention and makes me want to continue reading the story. This is for a multitude of reasons one of them having to do with the main character, but also because the plot isn't compelling. I have seen so many stories that begin this way that they all kind of blur together. Your idea does seem unique, but the way you have started this story is just like a million others.
3/5
Grammar:
There are a lot of places where the words don't flow together at all, which is an editing fix.
'Why do you persist?' His eyes remained on the window.
I flexed my sore hand. 'She's my mother.'
For me the use of ' instead of " makes me want to run screaming out into the streets and to stop reading your book. Dramatic, I know. There is no benefit from using ' besides pissing people off (myself included). At first I didn't even notice it was dialogue because my eyes are used to the quotation mark instead.
0/5
Descriptions:
"swirls and flower pattern appeared..."
I need more description then this. What kind of swirls? Fat? Skinny? Long? Super tight? What kind of flowers are in the pattern? Vague descriptions like this work sometime, but being too vague pushes your reader away. This really goes for most of your descriptions, they are the vague, arms length kind that don't draw the reader in all the way. They aren't bad, but, they could be a lot better.
3/5
Characters:
There is nothing to the main character. Yeah her mom is gone, and her dad is an asshole. But, that is the same with a lot of characters and people. She has a personality, kind of, but it is a generic rebellious one. You can have a rebellious character without them being generic, but, yours doesn't stick out.
2/5
Other Things I Hate:
"A trail of blood dripped from my lip as I bit it." This just sounds weird to me, and the visual doesn't work in my mind, at all.
There are other little things that are just annoying that pop up here and there, but there all from not being edited I do believe.
Using apostrophe's instead of quotation marks for dialogue.
2/5
Overall:
You have an interesting concept here, but there is a lot that you need to work on to really bring this book into a higher caliber.
Final Score:
10/25
