Author: hellocheeky
This is a review on: CASE NO.1: The Case of the Mistaken (pt. 1)
Plot:
Someone was set up for a murder and doesn't know why or how it happened yet, but that's the story is figuring out who did and why and everything else. It's an okay plot, obviously it's been done before over and over again, but, that doesn't matter too much. It wasn't extremely fast paced or anything like that, but I didn't enjoy that it isn't set up chronologically or at least formatted in a different way. As the chapter starts out with the dude getting interrogated, then moves to a different guy who is planning the demise of the guy that was just getting interrogated, so obviously that was a jump back in time. It took me a bit to realize that the time was flipped around, but whatever.
3/5
Grammar:
There weren't any huge issues, there might have been a couple of little things, but I can't remember anything specific.
4/5
Descriptions:
There really aren't any descriptions, or at least not very many. Just a couple that find their way in. Personally, I think more would be better and actually allow the readers to experience the world and become more immersed.
2/5
Characters:
Ehh...I guess personality wise they were a little bit better then the characters in the other book I read of yours, but still there isn't much life in them. It's like a barrier that keeps me from relating to them or anything else. I still feel like they're someone I'm reading about in a newspaper article, and not actual "living and breathing" people.
3/5
Other Things I Hate:
The choppy sentences physically hurt me. They aren't exactly short, but they still read as short and jagged with the least amount of flow imaginable.
"Still confused as to what had happened, thinking about the absurdity of the situation." I think it's how the sentence is written, or it could simply be me being dense, but this doesn't make sense. What are you trying to say? I think you could get away with the words before the comma, but the ones after just don't do it for me at all, they ruin everything and make it sound weird.
"He was planning to set up a certain person for jail for what he has done. McSteve Anderson ruined my family. He must suffer ... like my family did." I have a few issues with this, first off is this story being written in present or past tense, I feel like you switch a few times, or maybe I just haven't been paying super close attention. Next, the ellipses in your story looks like there is a space directly after suffer and before like, I don't think this is correct. I'm rusty on the proper grammar associated with those, and I don't feel like googling it, but still there is something that doesn't look right about it. And finally, I hate this, it reads as extra awkward and is also giving away things, don't give it away so soon. Short story or not you could lead the reader on for a little and make it more interesting instead of dumping.
kerb ---> curb
2/5
Overall:
Your writing really isn't my most favorite style, it's thick and choppy and I find it really hard to read through. But, you aren't a horrible writer, you just have some things that you really need to work on. You have potential it's just not
Final Score:
14/25
